Please
by Kika
Chapter 4
Crawford would never admit it, hated to admit it even to himself, but he had often wondered what it would be like to have a child. To have someone of your own flesh and blood to protect, to love so much that you would be willing to live or die for him as fate decreed.
If what he was feeling now as he watched Nagi out of the corner of his eye was any indication, he hoped he never had to find out.
Of course, the feeling really could not be that far off. He had practically raised Nagi, after all. From the moment that he had seen the skinny, dirty child hiding in the shadows behind a dumpster, he had known that he would likely spend the rest of his life working for this child's happiness. He had not Seen it; he had simply known. And, simply put, he had failed.
Nagi had been wary of him at first, but had eventually opened up, and had even seen him as a sort of father figure. He had never told Crawford this, but he could see it in the way Nagi had picked up on some of his mannerisms, those little quirks that most people did not even notice. The way he furrowed his brow when thinking, his habit of messing with his nails when bored, or going completely still when startled instead of jumping like most people did.
Crawford recalled the first instance when he had seen Nagi purposefully trying to imitate him. He had been sitting at the table drinking his coffee and reading the morning paper when Nagi came in, still bleary-eyed from sleep. With nothing more than a furtive glance in Crawford's direction, the boy had walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, bringing it to his mouth and taking a big gulp as if he had done it every morning for years. The ensuing look of disgust at the bitter drink had broken through even Nagi's normally stoic mask. Brad had had to use every bit of his self-control to not burst out laughing then and there.
Crawford very nearly cracked a small smile at the memory, until Nagi spoke, accusing him of destroying the happiness that he had finally found with Omi, speaking with more emotion than he had ever heard from him. Brad found that he could not bring himself to be angry at the accusation; it was true. He had known that Nagi was happy with the Takatori boy; he had watched them together for several weeks to assure himself that Nagi was relatively safe and happy, and that he was being treated well by Omi. Yes, he had known that Nagi had been truly happy for the first time in his life, yet he had still orchestrated the scene that he had listened in on through the bug, knowing that he was destroying what little hope Nagi had finally started to see for his life.
The fact that he had done it for Nagi's own good was little comfort, especially when Crawford caught a small movement out of the corner of his eye. Nagi was staring in what seemed to be horrified fascination at a moist fingertip. A line of wetness trailing down his cheek revealed its source; Crawford realized with sick dread that Nagi was crying.
In all the years that he had known Nagi, he could not remember one instance in which Nagi had cried. He had broken down several times, yelling and screaming, but never crying. Even when he was fresh out of Rosenkreuz and had woken up from nightmares in wide-eyed terror, calling out for Crawford in the night, never had he shed a tear.
I have done this , Brad thought miserably. I have brought this strong boy – no, man now – to tears. I've failed. Getting him out of Schwarz, away from Esset's control, even working for Esset's enemies; it was not enough. As his grip tightened on the steering wheel, his thoughts echoed Nagi's words. When will it ever be enough?
With this thought came a new resolve. Crawford's eyes narrowed to a purposeful glare as he drove. He could not do this; could not let this happen. Not again. Too long had Esset controlled their lives in the past. He could not let them take control again, even in this indirect manner.
I've swallowed all your answers
I've swallowed all my pride
Almost too late Crawford noticed the motel. He turned the wheel sharply to the left, nearly missing the turn but just barely managing to make it, startling Nagi into bracing himself to keep from being thrown against the door.
“Here?” Nagi asked, obviously puzzled. The motel really was not Crawford's style; he preferred the high-rising hotels in the city.
“There has been a slight change of plans,” was Crawford's only answer. He paid the woman at the desk in cash, providing a fake ID, and they were soon pointed in the direction of their room.
As soon as the door was shut behind them, Nagi opened his mouth to question the change, but was hushed by a look from Brad. Brad pointed to his ear, then moved his finger in a circle to circumference the room, giving Schwarz's old signal to check for bugs. Nagi blinked in surprise, but followed the order, out of mere habit if nothing out.
Ten minutes later, the two men had checked every possible hiding place for listening devices, and with an uncharacteristic sigh of relief, Crawford sank down onto the edge of the bed.
“What is this all about?” Nagi asked angrily. Another respect in which he was much like Crawford – he hated surprises.
“The car was bugged,” Crawford explained simply. “I do not intend to let them get away with this, so we had to get somewhere where we could talk.”
“Let who get away with what?” Nagi asked with a baffled look.
“Esset,” Brad answered, his voice falling from habit at the mention of the powerful organization's name. Nagi paled, not knowing what was coming next, but knowing for a fact that he was not going to like it.
“I did not force you away from Omi and back into Schwarz on a whim,” Crawford explained. “I would not do that. . . I was happy for you. You deserve that happiness.” Crawford could only hope that his eyes were showing Nagi the pride he had in him that words could not do justice.
“Esset has been moving,” Crawford said. “Slowly, but moving nonetheless. They are trying to regroup and rebuild their power. However, we killed their most powerful Talents in that Epitaph escapade, so they are lacking the power they need. That is where you come in.” Crawford went on to explain that they had been tracking Nagi, and were planning on an attempt to bring him in.
This last revelation had been made about six weeks ago. Upon the surfacing of this information, Crawford had snapped into action, ready to once again do whatever it took to keep his team – this time, Nagi – out of Esset's grip. Brad had told Schuldig what he had found out through his tracing of Esset's activities, and he had immediately agreed to Brad's plan, ready to do anything to keep Nagi away from the organization that had ruled their lives for so long.
You've used up all your chances
Can't keep this all inside
(Work In Progress....)