Schuldig's Lament
by Aimless
Schuldig was dying. He lay in his room and was truly convinced that it was possible to die from boredom. Laid up in bed with cracked ribs, a gut injury and one hell of a concussion was no picnic and he was going stir crazy. His head hurt too much to read or watch TV and he could not even amuse himself with his favorite game of let’s mentally fuck with the neighbors.
Crawford, the bastard, had deemed the accident totally Schu’s fault and had left him alone since. Not even coming to visit once. Nagi was busy with school work and mission planning so the only time he saw the chibi was when he needed to use the can or it was time to eat. Which thrilled Nagi to death to play nursemaid. Farf…well he could be amusing to talk to but ever since Schuldig had woken from a nap to find the Irishman crouching over him with a pair of scissors he’d been banned from the room.
Now all he had to amuse himself with was his own company and frankly it sucked. Schu had tried to get up earlier and stagger out to the living room but had nearly collapsed. Nagi had found him gasping and clinging to the wall near the door. He was helped back into bed and told, rather sternly, to stay there. So now the only thing he had to look forward to was dinner. He could smell it cooking and his mouth was watering at the delicious aromas wafting through the partially closed door. Crawford was quite the accomplished cook when he decided to grace them with his talent. It seemed that tonight was their lucky night. Beef roast with gravy and most likely new potatoes and carrots cooked right along with the meat would be the menu for tonight. It was their leader’s favorite meal and even though beef was frightfully expensive he did splurge from time to time.
The wait was interminable and Schu was on the verge of getting up again when the door opened and Nagi came in carrying a covered tray. The telepath struggled to a sitting position and eagerly awaited his dinner. The tray was set in front of him and Nagi whipped the cover off with a smirk. Schu looked stunned at the contents. There were no slow roasted slabs of beef dripping with gravy. There were no perfectly roasted potatoes and carrots. All he had was a bowl of what looked like thick gummy oatmeal, 2 slices of toast and a cup of weak tea.
“What the fuck is this?!” The telepath snarled as he glared at his team mate.
“It’s what the doctor ordered Schu. Light meals until your stomach heals some more.” Nagi attempted to tie a linen napkin around his team mate’s neck. His hand was angrily batted away.
“I don’t care. I want beef! I’m sick of this baby crap.” Schu picked up the bowl of mush and poked at it as if he expected it to bite.
“Well if you hadn’t gone off on your own and gotten run down by the guy we were trying to kill you’d be out there eating with the rest of us. Now be quiet and eat.” Schu was really testing his patience and Nagi was a hairs breadth from losing it.
“Well how was I supposed to know he’d turn into a homicidal maniac in a Hummer? The fucker actually blocked me as I tried to get into his head. God I hate chasing down Esset’s flunkies who decide to make a run for it. C’mon Nagi please?” He smiled his best trust-me-I-won’t-hurt-you-and-can’t-possibly-be-a-dangerous-assassin smile.
“You can’t eat that stuff yet Schu. You had a piece of metal shoved through your stomach. You have to wait at least another week or so. It would have been even longer if Esset hadn’t sent that healer to the hospital. Now eat it before it gets cold. Besides you have to take your medicine.” Nagi folded his arms against his chest determined to make sure the telepath ate.
Schuldig put the bowl back on the tray and continued to poke at it with his spoon.
“Well if you are going to play nursemaid you might as well dress like one.” Then the telepath smirked evilly and projected an image into the teen’s mind.
One of Nagi dressed in a super short, low cut, frilly naughty nurse outfit. It was complete with garters, white stockings and stiletto heels. Nagi grabbed his head and hollered.
“Schu you pervert! Stay out of my head! Gah…!” He seriously considered folding the irritating German into his own personal origami for that mental atrocity.
The red head thought it was hilarious until pain spiked through his skull. Now it was his turn to hunch over, yell and grab his head. “Ow fuck! Ow fuck! Ow!!”
“Well you are not supposed to use your powers either. I swear you have no common sense at all.” Nagi brushed the hair from Schu’s face and peered at him anxiously.
“Ah… geez. That hurt. I’m ok Nags. Really.” The telepath took a deep shaky breath and sat up again.
“Good so you can eat. Open up Schu.” Nagi had the oatmeal bowl and held a spoonful of the goo to Schu’s lips.
"I told you I’m not going to eat that shit!” Schuldig slapped the bowl out of Nagi’s hand a bit harder than he intended to and it flew across the room.
It landed with a wet splat on the front of Bradley Crawford’s Armani shirt and oozed all the way down his tailored slacks to drip onto his Italian leather shoes. Their leader had come unnoticed into the room to check on his irritating red headed team mate. The precog calmly pushed his glasses up on his nose and glared at the sulky telepath.
“Nagi go eat. Close the door behind you.” Their leader said quietly. It would have been so much better if he’d yelled.
“Y…yes Crawford.” Nagi stammered and hastened from the room.
“Oh god I am so fucked.” Schu truly believed he had the worst of luck. First by pissing Brad off for totally disregarding orders and going off on his own and now ruining his clothes.
“Not yet but you will be. Schuldig we need to have a little chat.” Now it was Brad’s turn to smirk as he slowly unknotted his tie.