Chapter 24
by Aimless
Awareness came back in disconnected chunks.
I was cold and my eyes crusty with sleep.
There was an annoying repetitive tone that made me want to hurl whatever was making it across the room.
I shifted on the bed and it hurt to move. Not surprising really considering how banged up I still was. Plus I’m sure I had new bruises on top of the old.
Cautiously I took a deep breath. Yup that still burned in my chest like a hot poker. Not as bad as it had been but uncomfortable.
I tried to work up enough saliva to lick my dry lips. I hated the aftereffects of sleeping pills. The cotton mouth and general lethargy that followed.
But the rest of the night was blessedly nightmare free.
I moved my hand out on the bed and encountered empty space. On either side.
Aya and Chloe were not here.
Suddenly I felt scared at their absence.
I managed to open my eyes and squinted at the bright light that leaked in through a crack in the curtains.
What the hell time was it anyway?
What was making that incessant electronic racket that made me want to grind my teeth?
Someone was sitting Indian style on the end of the bed. It was also the source of the annoying noise.
Blinking a few times to focus my bleary eyes I looked right at Michel.
He was holding a PSP playing some kind of fighting game.
“W…what…” I cleared my throat and tried again. “What time is it?”
Michel looked up from his game and smiled cheerfully at me.
“You’re finally awake! I’ve been here forever waiting. I got bored so I decided to play my game. I hope it didn’t bother you too much. Are you hungry? Do you want me to get you something to drink?” Michel babbled.
How he got that out in all one breath I’ll never know. Michel’s sunny disposition was hard to take after waking up from a drugged sleep.
“I’m thirsty and have to pee…but I think I can manage on my own. Where are Aya and Chloe?” I threw back the covers and sat up.
Whoa head rush. The room tilted dizzily and I grabbed at the bed post.
Michel was at my side in an instant. Game forgotten on the bed. He wormed his way under my arm and steadied me until the dizziness went away. I was grateful for the help. Tried of fighting alone I decided to accept what was offered.
How could I have pushed him away before?
Michel’s concerned face was a welcome change from the distraught one the last time he reached out to me and I slapped him down.
“Thanks.” I muttered. “I think I can get up now.”
“Ok here we go.” Michel kept his arm around my waist as I stood up. He’s stronger than he looks.
I slung my arm over his shoulders and groaned as the muscles stretched my wound. He helped me all the way to the bathroom and then politely waited outside as I took care of business.
As I washed my hands I pretty much avoided the mirror after one glance. Haggard was too polite a word to describe me.
Hair sticking out all over and needing a shave I looked older then my years. My eyes bloodshot and the dark circles under seemed to scream hangover. And I hadn’t even needed alcohol to achieve this effect.
I brushed my teeth and considered my hair a lost cause. I’d gone to bed with it damp the night before after my shower.
I waved off Michel’s arm as I left the bathroom. I felt a little steadier. Not much but also not likely to keel over.
“It’s ok. I can make it. Where are Aya and Chloe?” This was the second time I’d asked.
Obviously Michel was sent in here to baby-sit me. What wasn’t he telling me?
“Um….Chloe had to go up to the castle and Aya said something about needing to shower and get some clothes out of his room.” Michel stayed right beside me as I grabbed some clothes.
Well worn and soft jeans and a thick green sweater. I was cold all the time and the warm outfit much needed. It was not fun getting dressed.
When I bent over to pull on my jeans another wave of dizziness hit. So I had to stop a moment. I could tell Michel wanted to help. He was practically hovering over me. There was no way in hell I was letting him pull on my pants.
The sweater was a trial too. Lifting my arm to get it into the sleeve made my bullet wounds flare up with a vengeance. I sat on the bed gasping afterwards. Swallowing my pride I did let Michel put the socks on my feet.
He finished up with a smile and offered me his arm again.
“Why don’t we go downstairs and I can make you breakfast.” Michel offered.
“Hey I can make toast and scrambled eggs! No funny stuff I promise.” Michel hastily added at the horrified look on my face.
“I want Aya.” Then I headed off towards my lover’s room. Truthfully the thought of food make me nauseous.
Michel trailed behind me and almost bumped into my back as I stopped outside Aya’s slightly closed door. He seemed to be talking on the phone.
Pausing to listen I didn’t like what I heard.
“You know he’s not going to like this. I don’t like it either.” I heard Aya’s voice argue.
I had no idea who he was talking to. Michel tried to pull me away but I shrugged off his hands.
“I know! Damn it! But what other choices do we have? How are we going to get him to go?” Aya became increasingly distressed. Through the crack in the door I watched him pace.
Go? Just what the hell was going on?
“Chloe…I can’t do this to him! He’ll think we are abandoning him.” Aya paused to listen.
Just what the fuck were they going to do to me? It was all I could do to stay in the hall and not bust in and demand answers.
“I know he can maybe get help there. But I still think confining Ken is the worst thing we can do. You know being watched like that is going to make him worse. I don’t have any other suggestions! Well then why can’t I go with him?” Aya’s hand was running through his hair as he paced. A nervous habit of his.
My stomach sank with each word I heard. Confine me? Watch me?
Oh fuck no! I felt like throwing up. This was exactly how they shuffled me off to prison before I came to England. I couldn’t let that happen again. Feeling more betrayed than ever before I tried to leave.
I needed to get out of here before they locked me up somewhere.
Michel stood in my way.
“Move Michel. I don’t want to hurt you.” I growled. Feeling more and more like a trapped animal.
“No Ken…you don’t understand. Please stay and I’ll get Aya. He can help you.” Michel held out his hand and I slapped it away.
“Why? So Aya can lie to me? Just like everyone has my entire life? I won’t let them lock me up again. I’d rather be dead!” I yelled. If I could only get to my bike…I’d be free.
I tried again to get past Michel.
“Ken what? Oh god you heard?” Aya was coming out of his room and I was getting outnumbered.
“Yeah Aya I heard! Getting rid of me are you? Like I’m some big fucking inconvenience. Well I’ll just save you the trouble!” Michel still barred my way and I attempted to go around him.
Without even thinking I shoved him hard and he hit the wall. I did feel a twinge of regret at his pained gasp of surprise.
Panic was taking hold and the voices in my head were screaming for me to run.
I’d almost made it to the steps when I was grabbed.
Not, at this point, able to stop myself, I fought. As if my life depended on it.
I tried kicking, and a backwards head-butt but it was no use. The large arms that held me pinned were not letting go. I struggled and twisted. But eventually the searing pain in my chest forced me to stop.
I couldn’t get enough air…
I choked and the room grew dim.
Everyone was yelling at once and it drowned out the clamor in my head.
Michel begging me to stop.
Aya saying over and over again to just listen to him. That he’d never do anything to hurt me…that he loved me.
Free, who held me firmly simply being his stoic self. Urging me to breathe.
My knees buckled and I hung limply in his grasp.
One night of sleep not making up for many more when I got no rest.
Defeated I whispered.
“Fine lock me up. Throw away the key. If you make me leave I have nowhere else to go anyway.” I couldn’t look at any of them.
Free’s grip on my arms eased and I leaned against his solid strength. I’d have bruises where his fingers gripped my arms. He’d have some too where I’d kicked him.
Aya’s hand caressed my cheek and his fingers lifted my chin. Reluctantly I looked at him. The hurt on his face was a palpable thing.
“How could you even think that I’d do something like that to you. To ship you off to someplace to be locked up. I was trying to help. You’ve got to believe me Ken.” Aya stepped closer.
“Why? You left me once before!” I spat out. The hurt I felt needing an outlet.
I knew I hit the mark when I heard Aya’s sharply indrawn breath. I expected Aya to either stalk off or to hit me. Instead he grabbed me in a fierce hug.
“I won’t do that to you Ken. I promise. Just trust me please.” Aya whispered next to my ear.
I wasn’t even aware Free and Michel left but suddenly the hallway was empty.
I couldn’t put my arms around Aya. I still felt the need to run. I couldn’t let myself relax.
I resisted when Aya tried to guide me back to my room.
“Ken let me get you into bed. You’re pale and trembling. I can explain everything. Chloe is on his way back. Let us take care of you.” His grip on me was unyielding and I really didn’t have the strength left to fight.
The noise in my head was quiet for the moment and it pounded fiercely. Aya was right. I needed to sit down before I passed out.
“Fine…but shouldn’t I get some kind of say in what happens to me? I know I’m fucked up but why do I have to leave? I…I can’t do this alone.” To my mortification my voice wavered. Exhausted and on the verge of tears I wanted to give up.
Aya got me into my room and onto the bed. I sank down onto the soft mattress and hung my head. Nervously biting my lip.
“Of course you get some say in what happens. You won’t be alone Ken.” Aya sat down beside me and once again wrapped me in his arms.
I sighed and leaned against him. My earlier fear and panic attack making me drowsy. I wanted to believe Aya. I wanted to trust him.
Something in me resisted and I fought the urge to deny his words.
The room was quiet as we waited for Chloe to arrive.
I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I had no idea who Ken Hidaka really was. I was changing and turning into someone I hated.
I just had no idea how to stop it.