Pain of Memory
by Aimless
Chapter 16
I cannot take this anymore
Saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
You'll find that out anyway
Just like before...
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before...
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up
I'm about to BREAK
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
(One Step Closer By Linkin Park)
Chapter 16
*snickt *snickt* snickt*
The repeated sounds of the blades as they retracted and extended seemed oddly soothing. The gloves encased my hands and fit like a second skin. Supple from repeated oiling and much use. I also had my Glock in a shoulder holster under my left arm. I hoped the fight would get up close and personal. I was craving a little mindless mayhem.
That is if I hadn’t been placed at the ass end of nowhere. Aya got his way and I was stuck watching this side door in the cavernous warehouse. Yuki was holed away safely with his laptop feeding Aya and Chloe vital information about the target. Michel and Free were concealed in strategic spots near the meeting area. The buyers were already waiting outside for their contact to arrive. Our job was to take out everyone. The seller of the nerve gas canisters, the buyer and all their respective goons.
If I ever got a fucking chance! The miniscule pool of light shed by the small bare bulb above the side door just added to the isolation. My dark clothing blended with the deep shadows as I bounced lightly on the balls of my feet. I needed some action and this waiting was driving me nuts. I cursed at the interminable wait and pulled a small flask out of an inner pocket of my jacket.
The scent of strong whiskey drifted up as I removed the stopper. I took a healthy swig and squinted into the darkness. The com unit on my ear only emphasized the order for radio silence unless the target was spotted. The situation was fucking stupid! Aya put me here as punishment I just knew it. They needed me at the ambush point damn it! It would serve him right if he got himself killed.
My stomach clenched uncomfortably at that thought. I didn’t…damn it! I didn’t want to see him or Chloe hurt. I needed to be there! As much as my fake bravado insisted I stay angry at them I was truly scared for their safety. Another large drink of liquid courage and the flask sloshed in my hand half empty. It blunted the edginess I felt and with not even a second thought I downed the rest of the contents.
Stupid I know but it was either that or scream in frustration at being virtually forgotten about in this derelict structure.
~*~
My mind wandered as I thought back to earlier today. I spent time in the gym taking out my ire on the heavy bag and making sure my weapons worked perfectly. A bag that would have to be replaced since it was now full of puncture holes and vicious slashes.
Michel wandered in at one point and sat watching as I attacked the inanimate object with more force than necessary. During one of my pauses for breath he tentatively approached and threw his arms around me. I froze in surprise.
Everyone up to that moment basically avoided me and I wanted nothing more than to hug him back and take what comfort he offered. My guilty conscience wouldn’t let me. I pulled away and stared at the young man. Michel said he was afraid and begged me to talk to Aya and Chloe.
Sadly I got angry thinking they put him up to being an errand boy. I yelled that I was fine and didn’t need him to plead their case. The hurt that flooded into those huge blue eyes made me realize that Michel had come up here on his own. I sagged against the heavy bag and leaned my head on my crossed arms. I tiredly asked him to just go away and leave me alone.
I didn’t even look up as he quietly shuffled his feet to the stairway. His final words pierced me to the core.
“Ken we all still love you. No matter what you think. Please believe that.” Then he was gone.
With a strangled cry I unleashed all the hurt I felt onto my workout. Not stopping until I fell to my knees gasping for air. The bag above me hung tattered and torn. Much like my soul at the moment. I ripped my gloves off and hurled them across the room.
A small noise got my attention and wearily I looked at the doorway. Chloe leaned against one side and Aya the other. I shook my head. I did not want to deal with them right now…I couldn’t.
I hungrily stared at their twin poses because truly I couldn’t help myself. Aya dressed casually in grey slacks and dark blue sweater and Chloe in faded blue jeans and red button up shirt. Their close proximity just reinforced that they didn’t need me to come between them anymore.
I also didn’t need them to see me in a moment of weakness. Aya could still pull me off the mission. I think he knew that I’d follow and short of tying me up I was going whether they liked it or not.
I got to my feet and assumed a nonchalant attitude. Arms crossed over my chest and head up.
“I’m still going.” I ground out sullenly.
Aya lingered in the doorway as Chloe walked up to me. He reached out and his fingers stopped short of brushing my cheek.
“Ken listen. I don’t want to leave it like this. We need to talk.” Chloe stepped closer and I felt trapped.
“Talk about what? There’s nothing left to say.” I stepped back keeping my distance. Especially since Aya joined Chloe and they both looked at me uncomfortably.
“How can you be like that? I thought I…that we meant something to you!” Aya’s outburst startled me.
“You don’t need me. You have each other. I don’t fit anywhere in there now.” I backed further away and they followed me.
“How can you say that? Are you going to throw away almost two years with us? Ken please.” Chloe reached out again and only the wall behind stopped me.
“I…I can’t ok? I need some space. I have to focus on the mission and this is not helping.” Chloe’s hand cupped my cheek and I couldn’t stop my eyes from closing.
I felt another hand pulling my arms down from where they were held defensively against my chest. Then warm fingers grasped my hand. I opened my eyes and Aya stood way too close. There was no where left to retreat. I stared into his amethyst eyes and was lost.
“Ken let us help you. Promise you’ll stay here and when we get back tonight Chloe and I will do everything in our power to see that you get better.” Aya raised his other hand and placed it on my chest right over my heart.
It took a moment for his words to penetrate the haze. That asshole! Trying to cajole me into cowering in my room like some freaking nut job.
“Get away! I’m going and acting all concerned is not going to make me stay here! Back off! Go downstairs! Fuck each other for all I care but leave me the hell alone!” I used my considerable strength to shove past them and into the bathroom. I locked the door and sagged to the floor. How dare they try and keep me here!
I heard some muffled arguing through the door then silence descended on the room. There were still a few hours until we left and I spent some of the time in the shower trying to get knotted muscles to relax.
The building was almost too quiet as I went downstairs to my room. I was almost inside the door when a hand landed on my shoulder and gripped it tightly. I startled badly and dropped into a defensive crouch. Not a good idea to sneak up on me when I was so on edge.
“Ken.”
Free stood there looking as immoveable as a mountain. So he was here for my pre-mission pep talk too? What next? I stood and glared.
“It would be best if you didn’t accompany us on this mission.” His low voice raised my hackles.
“No fucking way! Did your cards tell you to come up here? Or did Michel run and tattle that the big mean assassin yelled at him?” Before I could even duck Free’s hand shot out and clipped me on the chin.
If he hadn’t pulled his punch I’d be laid out on the floor possibly nursing a broken jaw. Regardless it stung like hell and I licked at the blood from a slightly split lip.
“That’s one. Try it again and you won’t like the outcome.” I snarled.
“You are a fool and I just hope you manage to survive the night.” Free stalked off and I felt sick.
What the hell was I doing? It was if I could not control my mouth any more. At least Yuki decided not to try his luck with the crazy man. Then again Aya probably warned him away.
~*~
A slight scraping noise turned my attention back to the mission. Finally some action at last.
I squinted into the darkness and tried to pinpoint the noise. I waited until I heard it again and moved silently through the shadows to a stack of crates. Tense and adrenaline pumping I had to bite back a string of curses as the cause of the disturbance became apparent. Fucking Rats! This one was the size of a small dog and if it hadn’t scuttled away I’d have skewered it to the wall.
Enough of this bullshit! The crackle of the com coming alive in my ear proved startling. I jumped as Aya’s hushed voice whispered in my ear.
“Hold your positions. Target entering the warehouse. Await further orders.” Then it went silent.
Fuck it! I’ll be damned if I’m going to wait here like a coward. Like a wraith I went further into the building to where I knew the others waited.
The sounds of fighting drew me like a magnet. Damn Aya for putting me so far away. I needed to be there to help take out the scum bags that thought they were above the law. Stealth useless now as gunfire echoed in the cavernous space. Shit! I had a very bad feeling about this as my stomach churned. Or maybe it was the whisky that sat like a lead brick in my empty gut.
I rounded a tall stack of crates to see Aya sweeping his katana out in a flashing arc. His foe fell to the ground gurgling and choking on his own blood. Free had one hulking brute held aloft by a hand around his throat. While Chloe neatly shot a man in an expensive suit clutching a briefcase in front of him like a shield. Another body lay on the floor with half a dozen rose bedecked, slimly elegant stilettos sticking out of his torso. I had no idea where Michel was but thought there was no way Free would let the chibi out of his sight.
Aya looked up as I ran into the open area between the steep aisles of crates. The immediate frown on his face made my hackles rise. One ominous crunch told me that the man Free had been strangling was no longer a threat. Michel jumped lightly down from his perch on the stacked boxes as Chloe plucked his bite roses from his victim.
Before I could even open my mouth Yuki’s shouted warning had us all turning towards the door. He ran in and yelled for everyone to duck and cover. It appeared that one of the assholes outside had a grenade. What ever happened to the thugs sticking strictly to guns only?
There was a loud roar and we all dove for cover. After the impact I crawled out from my hiding place relieved to see everyone more or less intact. The entrance, however, was engulfed in flames. I stood mesmerized by the orange glow as the fire licked hungrily at the wooden boxes. A cold sweat covered my body as this scenario became frightfully like the one that landed me in Weiss all those years ago.
My arm was jerked roughly and I turned a frightened gaze on Aya’s angry face.
“You were supposed to be guarding the south door Ken why the hell are you here?” Aya’s tone pushed a little of the fear away and anger crept in.
“Come on we need to go! I have the canisters!” Chloe shouted. The smoke was making him cough.
“Which way?” Michel snatched up another briefcase with what I assumed was the payoff.
“South door. It’s the only way that should be clear. Anyone who got a look at us is dead. The remaining hired muscle should have fled. This fire is going to attract a lot of attention.” Aya dropped my arm and I rubbed at the sore spot.
He took point as we navigated through the seemingly endless stacked corridors. We all coughed now from the smoke that made it hard to see. Only Yuki’s memory of the floor plan kept us moving in the right direction.
With a huge amount of relief we burst out into the clear area near the door I’d been stationed at earlier. Aya grabbed the door handle and flung it open. I looked on horrified as the space was filled with a suit wearing thug.
An area that I was supposed to keep clear. One that would have made our escape clean if I’d stayed put. I’d have heard the guy and would’ve taken him out before he even had a chance to become a threat. Next in line I saw all too clearly what happened next.
The man raised his gun and fired point blank at Aya’s chest before he could even raise his sword.
Aya…the love of my life was flung backward from the impact and lay unmoving on the concrete floor.
Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Dimly I was aware of Chloe rushing forward to fall to his knees beside Aya frantically calling his name.
His scream of denial shattered my heart into little tiny pieces.
Suddenly there was not enough oxygen in the room. I panted harshly as a red haze descended across my vision. That fucker was dead!
Heedless of the gun now pointed at my direction I flung myself at the man. One of my clawed hands entered his body with such force that he was lifted off his feet. I noted with a weird kind of detached calm that he’d fired again. I barely registered getting hit as I twisted my other weapon into his guts. I relished the feel of them sliding through as I jerked my hands upward. I laughed at the stunned look on his face as I sank my weapons into him over and over and over…
“We need to get out of here now!”
“Grab his hands!”
“Watch out!”
“So much blood. How much of it is his? Can you tell?”
“Michel get back!”
“Free get him under control!”
The words shouted around me filled up the empty place in my head. Previously only white noise made a constant buzz as the urge to maim and kill overwhelmed. I didn’t want to stop. I had to make them pay and pay and pay!
My struggles became frantic as I was grabbed and held down. I lashed out wildly with my claws and grinned at the shout of pain. I wouldn’t let them get me! I needed to rend and tear Aya’s attacker to pieces. Send then straight to hell, one place I was sure I’d eventually end up.
Then it became hard to breathe. I was pinned. My weapons were taken away and I struggled harder. No! I wasn’t finished yet! A heavy arm pressed tightly under my chin cut off what little air I was able to gasp. Black spots danced in front of my eyes as I weakly tried to get away.
No! I had to…had to…Aya please…
Then everything went dark.