Pain of Memory
by Aimless
Chapter 14
I forced my tongue into his mouth and took over the kiss. For once I had the upper hand and was not going to give it back to Aya. I felt his body relax under me and a moan pushed out from between our joined lips. I should have known my red haired lover would not relinquish control so easily. I jerked back when a sharp stinging pain and a coppery tang filled my mouth. The little shit had bitten me! I winced as I ran my tongue over the sore spot on my lip. A small thread of blood dribbled down my chin and I resisted the urge to wipe it off.
“God Dammit Aya you bit me!” I still had a hold of his wrists with one hand though it was a struggle. Years of wielding a sword made his upper body sleekly muscular.
“Let me up Ken or I’ll do it again.” His eyes narrowed at me dangerously.
Chloe shifted on the bed restlessly and he seemed at a loss as to what to do. I hoped he’d stay out of Aya’s and my little power struggle or even possibly join in with helping me subdue the arrogant prick. Perhaps though he chose to simply watch the floor show. Chloe did have a kinky streak a mile wide and if Aya truly wished to get away he could hurt me badly. I was banking on this being just a sexual power struggle and not a true need to hurt me. But with Aya you never could tell. I’d once seen him rack Yohji in the nuts when the blond had pissed him off and I hoped tonight would not be a repeat performance.
I shifted my grip again to cup the hardness between Aya’s legs. I squeezed that heated bulge and the red head under me squirmed.
“Are you sure you want me to let you up Aya?” I bent down to swipe my tongue across one pale nipple. The blood from my chin left a crimson streak on his pale skin.
“Nnnnngh…Ken damn it!” His reply was drawn out into a groan as I bit at the distended and sensitive flesh.
I rather liked the way my blood stained his fair skin. I looked at the streak for a moment before trailing my tongue along the smear. My tight grip on his wrists kept him in place as I explored his chest. I bit and sucked sharply leaving redness to mark my passage. I slowly ground my hips against his trapping my hand between us. While my lips traced the delicate lines of his collarbone I wanted to show everyone that I was in control. I needed Aya to lie still and let me do what I wanted. My world narrowed to just me and him. I licked at the soft skin on his neck and he bucked hard into my hand as I fastened my mouth on his neck. He hissed as the suction raised a welt and still I didn’t relent. I stroked his cock through the fabric of his briefs as I moved down his body. His hands still gripped in mine clenched as I bit him hard on the hip.
“Fuck!” Aya swore as his eyes slammed shut.
“Ken back off a little.” I shrugged Chloe’s hand off of my shoulder. I spared him a brief glance before my attention was once more riveted on Aya.
“No let him Chloe. He has something to prove.” Damn it he was still in charge! Letting me do what I wanted. It pissed me off even more when I released his hands and he just lay there.
Aya placidly looked at me and that was not the reaction I wanted from him. I liked the tension in his body while he struggled for dominance. I wanted him to lose control for once and not just magnanimously let me fuck him. Fine then! If he was going to let me anyway then by god he was going to get pounded. I’d win for once.
I stripped off the rest of my clothes and pushed Aya’s legs open wide. I ran my fingers through the pre-cum leaking from my dick and then spit onto them. I rubbed my slick fingers around his pinkish puckered hole and thrust two inside. He hissed and grit his teeth at the sudden intrusion into his body. God he was tight and I could not wait to show him who was boss. My cock twitched in anticipation as I bent and licked the smooth skin of his inner thighs. Aya tried to close his legs as I yet again marked his flawless skin. He was mine and I wanted his body to bear testament.
Aya’s breathing grew harsh as I removed my fingers and knelt between his legs. I lined myself up and started to shove my way home when his pained cry broke through the haze of angry lust that gripped me.
“Stop, Ken! You’re hurting him!" Chloe said. With his hand on my bare chest, he shoved me away from Aya. “Just look at what you’ve done to him!”
Numerous welts decorated his body from every one of my so called “love” bites. His flagging erection lay against his thigh and Aya looked at me with genuine sorrow. In that moment I realized what happened. I was treating Aya like Kase used to treat me and how I’d once begged Aya to do me. This was not sex but punishment. I wanted to get back at Aya for pissing me off and for the argument we’d had. I’d almost used sex as a weapon.
I recoiled from them both and scooted to the other side of the bed. I could see the pity on their faces making me feel dirty and sick. Aya was just going to let me fuck him hard in some misguided sense that this was what I wanted.
“Oh God…I’m sorry. So sorry. I’m just like him.” I couldn’t breathe as I wrapped my arms around my self and totally freaked. My vision blurred as tears welled in my eyes. I was weak. I was a coward. I was no better than Kase. “I…I…Fuck! I just…I don’t…”
Aya sat up and tried to put his hand out to me. “Ken it’s all right.”
“No… no it’s not,” I said, flinching away from his touch. “I just wanted to...I needed...”
I couldn’t even put voice to the emotions churning inside me. A sick part of me wanted to continue but I could hear Kase’s voice in my head repeating all the things I’d been thinking right before I almost took Aya dry.
“Ken’s right, Aya. What he tried to do was wrong. I should have stopped him.” Chloe’s arm was around Aya and the look he was giving me was anything but understanding.
So I did what I’d gotten really good at. I fled into the bathroom and shut the door. I sank down onto the floor by the shower and covered my face with my hands. After a while muffled words drifted through the shut door. It sounded like Aya and Chloe were having an argument. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but Chloe seemed to be doing most of the yelling. Then it got quiet and I jumped when the bathroom door swung open and hit the wall. Chloe stood there, glaring at me. To avoid the message in his eyes, I looked down at the floor until he walked over to me.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Chloe yelled. I knew I’d pushed him past his limit. So far he’d been the buffer between Aya and me but now he’d picked the side he wanted to be on and it wasn’t mine. “I can’t believe Aya was going to let you do that to him!”
“He...he let me do it.” I felt some stupid need to defend myself even though I knew I’d nearly done something horrible.
“Let you? Of course he was going to let you. Aya has a fucked up sense of chivalry. He thought that if he let you do what you wanted that it would make up for not trusting you. I saw what was happening,” Chloe yelled. “You were too rough.”
“We’ve done it rough before. You even like it that way.” Chloe was doing nothing to calm my frazzled nerves. His attitude, even if justified, was making me mad. It was too much how he used to treat me.
“God Ken! There is a difference between a good hard fucking and using sex as a punishment. You wanted Aya to submit to you. He wasn’t even enjoying it after a while. Couldn’t you see that? He was going to just lay there and take it because he thought that is what you needed to do. If you ever try that again I will personally kick your ass.” Chloe was right. It was Aya’s pain that had snapped me out of my haze.
“I’m sorry ok? I fucked up,” I continued to yell. “What do you want me to do?”
“At this point I really don’t know. You won’t let us help you. You refuse to accept help from anyone else. You might be right. I don’t think we’re enough for you anymore. Talk to Mihirogi and KR. Maybe they can have you see someone that can help.” Chloe’s anger seemed to dissipate only to be replaced with sadness. He looked at me and shook his head.
“No!” I shouted. No fucking way was I going to talk to a shrink again. “I just need a little more time.”
“Take all the time you need Ken. I’m just tired of waiting for you to come to your senses.” Chloe sighed heavily. “Look…I still care about you but I can’t be with you right now. Aya’s a mess and you’re only adding to the problem. I swear you two feed off of each other’s angst. I can’t take it anymore. When you’re ready to accept some help come find us. Until then maybe it would be better if you stayed away for a while. I…I’m sorry Ken.”
Then he was gone.
I’d finally done it. I’d driven them both away. Even Chloe’s tear filled eyes as he left the bathroom did not make me get up and beg his forgiveness. It was, after all, what I felt like I deserved.
I don’t remember much of the rest of that night. I crawled into a bottle of whiskey and stayed there for the better part of two days. No one came to check on me. No one came to yell at me. No one came to tell me that I was fucking up my whole life.
I realized I was on my own.