Moving On
by Aimless
Chapter 9 - Indecision is hell on one's psyche
The relief of finally getting the cast off my ankle is such that I swear I spend the next 10 minutes blissfully scratching. The doctor looks on amused and then checks me over thoroughly. He advises that I go easy on the newly healed bone and wear my knee brace only as necessary. This for me means never. I gingerly get to my feet and walk. My ankle aches a bit but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I also get a paper outlining exercises I’m to do every day. It will be another month before I can jog again but at least I can do a full work out in the gym.
Michel is waiting for me when I come out. He’d offered to drive me here with his newly acquired license. I slide into the front seat and make sure to buckle my seat belt. I try not to grip the door handle as the chibi pulls away from the curb. Michel approaches driving the way he does everything else… with enthusiasm and a total lack of self preservation. I must be insane to accept his offer of a ride. I can blame it on the drugs but I haven’t taken any. I guess I can chalk it up to anxiety over Aya and Chloe’s return late tomorrow night.
Now I don’t want to imply that Michel is a bad driver… he just thinks that he can defy the laws of gravity. I have to force myself not to hang on for dear life as he changes lanes with the panache of a suicidal maniac. At least he is keeping to the speed limit. The lecture he got after his first ticket left him pale and wide eyed for hours afterward. Neither Chloe nor Michel is repeating what was said. So engrossed in trying not to hang on for dear life I don’t realize the chibi is talking to me.
“What?” I turn to him and pray he’s keeping his eyes on the road.
“I said do you want to stop and get something to eat?” Michel, totally oblivious to my utter terror, is managing to avoid all the other cars hell bent on playing demolition derby.
It’s been a long while since breakfast and food sounds like a good idea. “Sure I can do with a bite to eat.”
After a heart stopping three lane change the blond whips the car into a Mc Donald’s parking lot. We pull up to the drive through.
I wonder if He’ll think I’m a coward if I dive out the window and get a cab home.
The food is ordered, money exchanged and we’re back out on the highway. Bailing out would have been cowardly and I decide to suck it up and stay in the car.
Mercifully enough we make it back in one piece and I grab my food and leave the car. It’s so nice to be off those damned crutches. Michel hands Free his lunch and we eat in front of the TV like the slugs we are. Man I’ve gotten lazy over the last several weeks. Then it hits me… Aya and Chloe are going to be home tomorrow and my room looks like a cyclone has hit it. Normally I’m a fairly neat person but my old slobbish ways are rearing their ugly head.
Free and Michel snickers at me as I get up and mention I have cleaning to do. They both know I’m a fidgeting mess with the immanent arrival of my would be lovers. I throw my empty bag at Michel and head upstairs.
Man… I usually don’t let my room get so messy. I gather up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper to wash later. The bed gets stripped and fresh linens put on. I pick up all the books and magazines scattered on the floor and then survey the wreck my bathroom has become. Soon it is sparkling clean and after I run a dust rag over everything I collapse on the bed. My leg aches but I stubbornly refuse to put on the brace.
I roll over and look at the door when I hear a light knocking. A moment later a blond head pops in. Michel comes in and flops down beside me.
“Wow it sure looks a lot better in here. It’s a good thing Aya and Chloe are returning since they are a good influence on your slobby ways. This place was getting pretty bad.” Michel rolls onto his side to look at me innocently. “Hmm… I suppose you can always exchange cleaning favors with Chloe for blowjobs.”
I gape at him while he just smiles sweetly at me. How can such an innocent package hide such a devious mind? That line earns him a jab in the side and before he can retaliate I smack him with a pillow. That of course starts a pillow fight of epic proportions. The blows fall fast and furious till Michel falls on the bed clutching his head. Afraid that I’ve hurt him I drop my pillow and lean over. I reach out to touch his face when a pillow comes out of nowhere and hits me full on and I topple off the bed.
Michel’s cherubic face peers over the side of the bed. “Gotcha! You are such a sucker.” Then he laughs and evil sort of laugh that is so out of character with his chibiness.
“When I have the strength to move you’re so going to get it. Did you come in here for a reason other than to abuse me?” I decide the floor is not such a bad place to be and realize that I forgot to clean out from under the bed.
“Oh yeah… I wanted to tell you that your bike was dropped off a little while ago… or what’s left of it. Do you want to go look? It’s in the garage.” He bounces off the bed and stands there looking at me.
I sigh. I’m really not sure I want to see what remains of my precious Ducati.
“I suppose it won’t kill me. C’mon lets go.”
I let the chibi pull me to my feet and we head downstairs. I take a deep breath and we go into the garage. Michel flips on the light and there revealed in all its glory is my precious bike. At first glance the damage does not appear to be that bad. It’s more or less intact. I know better… its once sleek lines are marred by missing chunks and pieces. The engine will need a major overhaul and many parts will have to be replaced. I wonder if it will be worth the effort. I mean I can afford a new bike and with the insurance money I can even upgrade. Then I remember the excitement on everyone’s face as I was led out to the garage and given my present. I also remember how overjoyed I was and resolve to fix it right then no matter how long it takes.
Michel and I spend most of the rest of the day taking my baby apart and making a list of all the repairs. Free wanders in at one point with a plate of sandwiches and mugs of tomato soup. We attack the food gratefully and the tall assassin stays to help with the heavier parts. By the time it gets dark outside I have done as much as I can with the tools on hand. We’re all covered with oil and dirt and my leg is so stiff I need help getting up the stairs.
Free and Michel graciously agree to be my crutches and they help me to my room. I desperately need a shower and some painkillers. I’m left to my own devices and start to shed my clothes thinking how good the hot water is going to feel on my aching muscles. Remembering the condition of my room earlier I pick up the grungy clothes and toss them in the hamper.
There are times I adore my oversized shower. I nearly moan in bliss as the hot water and pulsing showerheads seek out all the aches and pains. After my little shower mishap nearly a month ago I replaced the one shower massage with a multi nozzle showerhead. They’re adjustable and I have the four different heads aimed to pulse water at varying heights. My hands glide over my soap slick body and my mind wanders back to the night before Aya and Chloe left. Which was one of the most intensely erotic experiences of my life.
It’d been so long since I’d felt another’s touch on my body that much to my embarrassment I wasn’t able to last very long. Aya and Chloe did not seem to mind though and I wonder if I took their offer if the experience might be more than I can handle.
Aya’s silky voice and the scent of Chloe’s skin make me groan with the memory. Did I want more? At this moment my body overrides my common sense. I am hard and need release. I close my eyes and run my hands over my chest slowly going downward. I shudder and groan again as I lightly trace my hard on with one hand. The soap adds a wonderful slickness and I grip myself in a loose fist. Up and down I stroke till I am panting and my other hand is gripping the tiles. This is a familiar exercise for me and has been my only form of sexual gratification for a long time.
I’m not fond of picking up one night stands and while I consider myself bisexual I don’t fit in the gay scene. The one time my memories had left me unbearably lonely I tried going to a bar that catered to male companionship. To say I felt out of place was a vast understatement. I fled before I’d even been there ten minutes.
My hand sped up as heat spreads from my belly. I now have another fantasy to replace the blond, cerulean eyed teen that haunted me for so long. Visions of Chloe and Aya both taking me filled my mind. I moaned continuously as I lean back against the shower wall. My other soap slick hand slips between my legs and I brush the entrance to my body. I wanted Aya to be the first one to fuck me. I had wanted him to for so long... I didn’t care what happens after that. I imagine that the fingers pushing slowly inside belong to the fiery redhead. I come hard with his name on my lips. The water washes away the evidence of my orgasm and I gasp for air.
I finish my shower and dry off enough so that I won’t drip all over the floor. A towel went around my waist and I limp to the sink. I get some painkillers out of the medicine cabinet and swallow them with some water I drank out of my cupped hand. I went into the bedroom and drop the towel and shiver in the chill room. I get some flannel drawstring pants out of my drawer and a t-shirt. I never even contemplate sleeping bare. It’s too chilly for that and I get cold easily. It was always a fight to keep Omi from throwing all the covers off. He tended to not get cold like I did and would yelp when my nose or feet touched his bare skin.
I crawl into bed and burrow under the chocolate brown down filled comforter. I sigh as the warmth soaks in. As I try to sleep thoughts bombard me. Aya and Chloe are coming back tomorrow. I’d not spoken to them for three weeks. We just get the occasional the team is alright and the mission is progressing according to plan from Mihirogi. I had to be satisfied with that even though I want to hear it from Aya in person. I have trust issues. Can you blame me?
I need Aya to tell me that he hasn’t forgotten about me. That he hasn’t decided to stay with Chloe and I’m just a passing fancy. It’s pathetic and whiny but that’s the way I feel. Now that the house is quiet all my fears and insecurities creep back in and I sigh... it’s going to be a long night.
Tossing and turning is not the most pleasant way to while away the hours till dawn. I turn over and look at the red readout on my clock. It figures... three am. Too restless to lie in bed anymore I get up and make my way downstairs. There is a light on in the living room and I hear hushed voices. I peek into the room and Free is sitting on the couch with Michel curled up next to him. The tall assassin’s arms are around the blond and he is stroking his head.
Michel is sniffling a bit and has his face turned and pressed to Free’s side. He doesn’t know I’m here and when Free looks my way he shakes his head slightly. I understand and I don’t want to intrude. Michel is plagued with horrific nightmares and usually seeks out his tall friend’s company to get much needed comfort and a shoulder to cry on. Usually Michel is upbeat and almost unbearably cheerful. That’s why these nightmares affect him so much. He buries everything so deep that when some of the horror leaks through he falls apart. Michel does not like anyone to see him like this so that’s why I nod back at Free and quietly make my way to the kitchen.
We all have our demons and Michel’s coping method is too much like another blond chibi I used to know. But unlike Omi I don’t see Michel turning into a cold, unfeeling bastard. Man my thoughts have taken a depressing turn. Opting for a beer instead of tea I grab a bottle out of the fridge and crack it open. I take a long drink and despite the cold I open the back door and go out into the courtyard. The greenhouse beckons me with the enticement of steamy warmth. It’s too damned chilly to stand outside anyway and big surprise it looks like rain.
The glassed in structure is dark and when I go inside the humid heat seeps into my bones. The stack of sandbags is still there and I sit on one as I look around. This is where Chloe kissed me for the first time and when I was told of Aya’s feelings. The broken pot has been replaced and his precious Orchids are healthy and lush with vibrant color. They are yet another reminder of a past we left behind.
I finish my beer and yawn. Damn I’m tired but nothing has been resolved. I still don’t know what the hell I’m going to do. It’ll just have to wait until I see the both of them. That mission couldn’t have come at a worse time. Right at the beginning of a budding relationship that I am not even sure I can handle. What is there for us besides the promise of sex? I can’t be content to be their occasional fuck buddy. I want to spend time with them and be part of their lives. What if that is not what they want? Damnit I’m doing it again... whiny Ken has resurfaced. Yohji would laugh his ass off at my dilemma. He would tell me to not worry about it. He would say just go with the flow Ken-Ken. Perhaps he’s right? I throw the empty bottle in the rubbish bin and go back into the house.
The living room is quiet and dark except for the light from the fireplace. I can’t resist looking in the doorway. Free and Michel are still curled up on the couch and wonder of wonders they are both asleep. The chibi is sprawled across his lap and Free’s arms are wrapped around him. Even weirder is the slight smile on the tall assassin’s face. But then this last month has shown me a whole new side to Free. One that is caring and nurturing especially where Michel is concerned. I leave them to their rest and return to my room.
I really need to get some shuteye and after a moment’s deliberation I opt to take half of one of my sleeping pills. I hate the damned things but with the immanent rain I can feel each and every one of my injuries... old and recent. I use the bathroom and then take the pill and get back into bed. I lay there with my eyes closed until the familiar lassitude creeps in and I can relax enough to sleep.
The next morning I’m cruelly attacked by a blond sadist. My bed is leaped on and the imp bounces all around me. That’ll teach me not to lock my door the night before. It seems that Michel is fully recovered from his bout of depression last night and I know better than to ask.
“Why are you here... don’t you value your life at all?” I blearily crack open one eye and stare. I wish I hadn’t.
Michel is wearing a lime green pair of jeans and a bright orange sweater. I see spots before my eyes and wonder if I’m going blind. Thank god Aya’s orange sweater died a timely death many years ago... helped along with a can of Yohji’s lighter fluid and a match. Hey we gave it a good funeral... Aya was just not there to see it. Michel’s sweater is like its evil twin come back to haunt me. Karma is a bitch.
“Free cooked breakfast and says to get your ass downstairs and to the table.” Michel smiles sweetly as he flops down beside me.
I cock an eyebrow. “Oh is that what he said?”
“Um... well he might not have put it exactly like that but he did cook and it’s ready and I’m starving.” His stomach rumbles at that point and I laugh.
I swear the kid has a hollow leg. He’s never full. “Alright I’m getting up. Go on and tell Free I’ll be downstairs in a few minutes.” I aim a swat at his hip and he easily dodges and skips out of the room. So different from the wrecked young man in Free’s arms last night.
I hurry and get dressed since I know Michel will be back soon to literally drag me from the room. I opt for gray sweats since I intend to work on my bike after breakfast. I have no idea when Yuki, Free and Chloe are returning but I’ll be damned if I’m going to wait for their arrival… pacing back and forth like a virgin on her wedding night.
I make it down to the kitchen just as a fidgeting Michel gets up to come fetch me. Delectable smells are emanating from the stove and I see why Michel is eager to dig in. Free has made one of his favorites. We call em kitchen sink omelets. Since they have everything in them but the kitchen sink. It may sound weird but they’re actually quite good. I sit down and Free places our plates on the table before he joins us.
The fluffy egg mixture looks to contain onions, cheese, ham, green peppers, some left over tater tots, rice and if I am not mistaken the rest of the chili I made a few days ago. I dump hot sauce on mine and eat. Like I said surprisingly good… that is till I see Michel dump grape jelly all over his. Ok that is just ewwww. Free chuckles and eats his omelet with a bit of ketchup.
After breakfast I vacate the kitchen as quickly as possible so I don’t get drafted for dishes duty. I head to the garage and spend the rest of the morning and a good part of the afternoon completely taking my bike apart and laying out all the pieces on a tarp. I’ve done all I can do till I get the new parts so I go back in and grab a sandwich from the kitchen. Michel and Free are in the shop today and since I pulled a double shift earlier in the week I have the day off. That will change soon the closer it gets to the holidays. Then we’ll be swamped and most likely hire one of the neighborhood teens to help out in the greenhouse. This is like the calm before the storm.
I wander back upstairs and take a shower to wash off the dirt and grease. Afterward I catch myself pacing and glancing out the window frequently and curse. This is exactly what I said I wouldn’t do. But I can’t help wondering why they aren’t back yet. One more peek out the window and I’m convinced I need to find something to do. I change out of my robe and into a pair of black Speedos and a tank top. I might as well go and work out. I’d been neglecting my body lately and would pay the price later.
Up to the third floor and to the large mat covered room. We’d removed most of the walls except for a full bath to make room for anything from weight lifting to full out sparring. I carefully take the time to stretch and loosen up my muscles before hitting the weights. Initially I was more than a bit chilly because of my light clothing but soon I’m glad when I start to sweat. I would’ve been too hot in anything else.
After the weights I do some chin ups on the bar and grab my claws. The leather has gotten a bit stiff so I take the bottle of baby oil I keep with my glove and squirt a little on the leather and work it in well. I set the bottle aside and slide em on. I flex my hands and the blades pop free. I feel an exhilaration welling up inside and smile as I swipe at an imaginary foe.
I no longer crave the killing but I still get a rush nevertheless. Underhand slashes and overhand parries. I move through a complicated routine of punches, kicks and jabs. I have to rely on my speed, stamina and overall hand to hand combat abilities as much as the claws themselves. My ankle twinges more than a bit and I ignore it for the moment. I’m too caught up in the dance and will undoubtedly pay the price later.
I finally stop when my leg threatens to buckle and I retract the blades as I stand gasping for air. I nearly jump out of my skin when a pair of arms winds around my waist.
“Did you miss me?”