Dude Looks Like a Lady
(Or why Aya shouldn't go uescorted into a bar)
by Aimless
Ok, this Ficlet came about when I hit shuffle on my iPod. I picked my American playlist because I was lazy and did not feel like looking up any Japanese lyrics. This is the song that came on… Dude looks like a Lady by Aerosmith:
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Cruised into a bar on the shore
Her picture graced the grime on the door
She a long lost love at first bite
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's alright
That's right
Backstage we're having the time
Of our lives until somebody say
Forgive me if I seem out of line
Then she whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
So never judge a book by its cover
Or who you're gonna love by your lover
Love put me wise to her love in disguise
She had the body of a Venus, Lord imagine my surprise
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
(Baby let me follow you down) Let me take a peek dear
(Baby let me follow you down) Do me, do me, do me all night
(Baby let me follow you down) Turn the other cheek dear
(Baby let me follow you down) Do me, do me, do me, do me
Ooh what a funky lady
She like it, like it, like it, like that
Ooh he was a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Aya frowned in annoyance as yet another drunk patron bumped into him. This one spilling beer on the arm of his coat. The place was packed, thick with cigarette smoke and the noise was giving Aya a fierce headache. Another resounding cheer nearly blasted the red head off his feet as the big screen TV displayed another goal. Ken was sure to recognize who was playing tonight but Aya had no clue.
What was he doing in a crowded Sports Bar on a Saturday night? Blackmail…pure blackmail of the foulest variety. Emotional blackmail and his greatest weakness lay in the depths of a pair of rich brown eyes.
He’d been perfectly happy, snug at home. Looking forward to spending a quiet evening with his lovers. Content to ignore the foul chilly weather and driving rain. But that was not even remotely what happened. All Ken had to do was ask pleadingly and Aya was putty in his hands.
“Aya…please? It’s the only thing I’m hungry for.” Ken lay propped up in his bed. Scattered around him were a tissue box, some magazines, a PSP, and one amused looking blond.
“Why can’t Chloe go?” Aya knew he was close to whining but he really didn’t want to go out.
“Chloe is going to give me a back rub with that menthol stuff. He promised.” Ken sighed happily as Chloe stroked his forehead.
The blond smiled at Aya as he wiggled a little on the think comforter. He looked disgustingly comfortable and Aya wanted to chuck him out the window.
“How about some nice hot soup? The doctor said plenty of liquids and…” A huge hacking cough from his brown haired lover stopped his suggestion.
Chloe rubbed his back as Ken wheezed. He’d gotten a killer cold and the doctor warned him that if he didn’t rest it could easily turn into walking pneumonia. Finally he straightened up and leaned back against his mound of pillows.
“Aya…I’m tired of soup. Please? It’s the only thing that even remotely sounds good right now.” Ken smiled a tired little smile and Aya was lost.
He sighed resolutely and went to get his wallet and coat. He briefly considered changing his clothes. Aya made a trip to the castle earlier and was still dressed rather fancily. His cable knit lavender sweater matched his eyes and his cream colored wool slacks expertly tailored. Shrugging into his black leather trench coat Aya paused at the hallway mirror. His hair still neatly braided except for a few straggling wisps of blood red hair framing his face. Satisfied with his reflection Aya headed out to the garage and his car.
Parking was nonexistent and Aya ended up walking two blocks to the bar. Luckily his umbrella kept most of the rain from soaking him to the skin. Then he had to literally force his way to the bar. Where he had to shout his order for a dozen hot wings to go. Told that it would be a while Aya leaned against the bar and tried to tune out the mayhem around him.
A half an hour later and Aya was still waiting for his order. He’d been bumped into five times and had his foot stepped on twice. The last time was by a guy built like a line backer…Aya hoped he’d eventually get the feeling back in his toes. The annoyed red head was about to ask the bar tender about his take out when an arm wrapped itself around his waist.
“Ere now luv watcha doin over here all alone?” A deep gravelly voice spoke directly into his ear.
Aya resisted the urge to shove his elbow through the man’s ribcage as a blast of foul beer breath almost made him gag. He attempted to pull away. But the arm tightened and dragged him closer. Aya’s back hit a huge burly body. Gee what was it with this bar and attracting oxen?
“C’mon Luv don’t be like that. Give Jimmy boy and break and sit with him. I’ll even buy you a drink. One of those girlie ones. Sweet thing like you deserves something nice. A little lady like you needs someone to watch out for her in here.” Then a pair of large slobbery lips planted a kiss right on Aya’s cheek.
What the fuck? He thinks I’m a woman? Aya indignantly thought as hr once again tried to squirm away. The last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene. Just then a hand from behind the bar plopped down a brown paper bag. Thank god his order was finished!
“Take your arm from around my waist before I remove your hand myself. Slide it any lower and I’ll snap all of your fingers. If this is how you treat women no wonder none of them want to have anything to do with you. Don’t force me to make you let go.” Aya’s cold, deadly serious, decidedly masculine voice held a menacing edge.
The arm around him vanished instantly as the drunken moron released Aya. He unsteadily peered closer at the person he’d been pawing. Some part of his beer soaked brain recognized the presence of a predator.
“You’re a dude? I thought you looked like a lady! Well fuck me!” The drunk staggered back a few steps.
“I’d rather not. SO if you don’t mind moving I really, really need to get out of here before I go berserk with a bar stool.” Aya thrust a ten pound note at the barkeep, muttered to keep the change and quickly left the bar.
Only to realize he’d left his umbrella behind as a cold gust of rain slapped him right in the face.
Oh someone was going to make up for tonight’s travesty. Since Ken was sick then the smug blond snuggled so comfortably in Ken’s bed would have to do.
Aya grinned evilly as he knew just the way he’d make the blond pay. As a bonus Ken would get to watch.
After all Aya did so love an appreciative audience.