Dont Tell Me You Love me
by Aimless
Chapter 2
Aya stood in the shower stall letting the hot water sluice over his body. He tipped his head back to wet his hair under the stinging spray. He could not believe what he had done to Yohji. He had been angry, sad and more than frustrated that their target had gotten away. He had felt like hitting something. Then Aya had made the mistake of glancing over at Kudoh.
His mission coat lay on the table next to him and he leaned against the table they used to make flower arrangements. He looked tired, sad and unbearably sexy. Even though Aya had found him attractive from the moment he woke in the blond's bed he swore never to act on that attraction. He needed to stay focused for Aya-chan. He could not afford anything that compromised his focus.
Yohji Kudoh was a liability and one he intended never to indulge in. Oh it was no secret that the blond playboy desired Aya and his teasing was always rife with innuendo. So why....why had he crossed that invisible line they had created not long after they had met? A line that allowed Yohji to tease to his hearts content but never to act on his sly propositions. A line that allowed Aya to put up with the teasing and not kill the annoying older assassin.
It was too late to go back now and Aya slumped against the tiled wall and wondered what the hell he was going to do. He could try and pretend it had never happened but the redhead knew with a certainty that Yohji would not let him. He could ignore the blond but that had no surety of working either. Aya shivered as the water started to run cold and left the shower. He plucked a towel off the rack and dried off then carefully hung the towel back up again. Then he retreated to the relative peace of his apartment.
Aya dressed in a pair of black silk pajama bottoms and wearily crawled into bed. He stared up at the ceiling and feared that he had ruined the tenuous friendship between the annoying blond assassin and himself. Even though Yohji Kudoh drove him to distraction and the need to reach for a weapon Aya still valued him as a team mate and a friend. Though he would never admit it to that smirking face.
The redhead could not stop the slight smile that crept over his features as he recalled the look of utter and complete shock on Yohji's face when he had kissed him. Oh god it had felt so good to be buried to the hilt in his team mate's accommodating body.
It had been so long since he had been able to lose himself in another's body. He had not had a partner for more than a year and even then he never stayed with anyone more than a night or two. He groaned again at the thought of having to face Yohji the next day.
Usually the men he met in some of the bars he used to frequent took him to their place and Aya always left after the inevitable happened. He did not allow himself to stay, to get too close. He always maintained an emotional distance and he feared that with Yohji living and working under the same roof that would be impossible.
Aya sighed as he lay in bed. He was tired but would get no sleep as he worried about the consequences of his impulsive actions and god help him but he wanted to do it again.
~*~*~
Yohji got to his apartment, walked into the bedroom and flopped face down on the bed. His mind still could not wrap around the fact that Aya had fucked him in the storeroom. Yet it was true. He was stunned and smugly satisfied at the same time. Never, though, in his wildest fantasies had Aya been the aggressive one. Never in all of his late night imaginings, which left him hard and aching, had Aya been the one to take him.
He needed a cigarette desperately. Yohji rolled over on the bed and groped on the nightstand for the pack he always kept there. His cursing began in earnest when his hand encountered the crumpled pack. He had smoked his last cigarette right before the mission. Yohji sat up and rummaged through the overflowing ash tray and found a half smoked butt. He relit it and blissfully sucked in a lung full of nicotine. The blond once more reclined on the bed and replayed the events of the last hour again in his mind.
Aya had been almost brutal in his assault on his team mate. Even so it had been sheer heaven. He had come so hard and was a wrung out mess by the time Aya had finished and had fled up the stairs. Yohji sighed again and sunk down onto the mattress to stare at the ceiling. It was obvious that the redhead had regretted his actions from the abruptness of his retreat.
Well Yohji Kudoh was not about to let him get away so easily. Aya had finally acted upon the lust the blond knew he felt for him and the older assassin was not about to let him forget it. Images from their frantic coupling filled his head and he found himself more than half hard.
Almost of its own volition his hand drifted to his groin and unzipped his jeans. Yohji raised his hips and slid the tight material down his thighs then kicked them to the floor. He trailed his hand back up his thigh and sucked in a breath as he gripped his hardening cock. A few practiced strokes had him hard and aching. The thought of Aya's slim hands in place of his own had him moaning the redheads name in time with his leisurely pace.
Yohji's hand sped up as he felt his orgasm approaching for the second time that night. His breathing grew harsher as he thrust into the tight confines of his fist. Familiar with what brought him the most pleasure from a long and varied past Yohji thrust faster and groaned as his thumb brushed across the sensitive tip at every up stroke. He came again with Aya's name on his lips and coating his hand and stomach with his seed. Now truly spent he lay there on the bed and idly trailed his hand in the milky fluid then raised it to his lips. He licked a few drops off his fingertips before reaching for the box of tissues. He wondered what Aya would taste like and as he drifted off to sleep he plotted on a way to find out.
~*~*~
Aya made it a point to ignore the blond playboy and did not even bother speaking to him unless absolutely necessary. Every time Yohji tried to corner the redhead he received a sharp elbow to the ribs and a hasty exit. After a week of such treatment Yohji was getting angry and more than a little frustrated. To have Aya so close and the memory of that night in the storeroom was sheer torture. Just when the blond thought it all had been just a fantasy his depraved mind had thought up it happened again. The younger assassin disappeared one night and Yohji did not think much of the redhead's absence since it was often a habit of his to go off on his own. When Yohji stumbled off to bed in the wee hours of the morning after falling asleep in the living room in front of the TV he was awoken soon after by his door opening. The blond was a light sleeper and sat up to see who was intruding on his rest.
Standing silhouetted in the doorway was Aya. He was dressed in his mission clothes and holding his katana. His expression was so grim and Yohji wondered for one fleeting moment if the redhead had snapped and had finally come to kill him for past indiscretions.
It was not until the door was shut and bolted that Yohji began to get suspicious. Aya dropped his katana on the floor and removed his coat. The blond then had no doubts at all as to what was going to happen as the redhead removed his boots and then his shirt. Yohji's mouth went dry as he watched as each pale swatch of skin was revealed. Pants then briefs were shucked off and discarded then Aya approached the bed. He said not a word as he ripped the covers off and looked the blond over carefully. Then a slight feral smile graced his normally stoic features as he crawled up the bed like a cat stalking its prey.
“Aya what the hell? Where were you?” Yohji did not like the gleam in his team mate's eyes as he crawled up the bed. The blond was not sure if he should run screaming or bare his throat to the predator intent on his prey. Aya stopped when he was straddling the older man's body. Yohji's gaze skimmed down the redhead's lithe torso to his obvious arousal then back up to his face. Those violet eyes captured his glance and held it. Yohji licked his lips and nearly groaned at the fierce need evident on Aya's face. Submission it was and it looked like Kudoh was on the menu.
“Aya wait. What are you doing here? What happened?” Yohji placed his hand on the redhead's chest stopping him till he got some answers.
“Why am I here? I thought that would be obvious even to you Kudoh.” Aya pushed the blond's hand off his chest and leaned in close.
“Aya I said wait. Tell me what happened.” Yohji could not believe the words that came out of his mouth. That he was the one wanting Aya to wait.
Aya sat back on his heels and glared at the older assassin. “I was on a mission. The bastard that escaped I got him. Not before he found someone else to play with though. I made him pay. There you got your explanation. Happy now?”
“But why are you here?” Yohji asked again. “Why now? I thought you were not interested in me? What's changed?” Aya still looked more than a little irritated at his team mate's questions but Yohji was not going to back down. Not this time. He was not going to go through being fucked then ignored again.
Aya frowned at the blond beneath him. “Look we can talk or we can fuck. I'm not in the mood to talk if you don't want to fuck then I have no reason to be here.” Aya did not get an answer right away and Yohji looked up at him more than a bit confused. The redhead snarled in frustration and started to get up.
Yohji's hand shot out and grabbed Aya's wrist. “I… I don't know what I want. Or more importantly I don't know what you want from me.”
The redhead tensed as if to flee then sagged a bit on the bed. When he spoke his voice was soft and a bit hesitant. Not like Aya at all. “I just want to forget.”
“Forget what Aya?” The younger assassin's answer had confused him a little.
Aya closed his eyes for a moment and his hands clenched into fists. The blond could feel the tension radiating off of the lithe swordsman perched on top of him. “Everything! I want to forget everything! I want to forget the killing and my sister lying in that hospital room all alone because I could'nt do a damn thing to save her. I want to forget how that slime ball I killed tonight begged me for his life. Begged me on his hands and knees while the blood of another one of his victims was fresh on his hands. He hung onto the edge of my coat and cried. Sobbing for his worthless life. That fucking asshole! As if that was going to save him! I gutted him Yohji; I gutted him and left him to bleed to death. Now you know. Happy now? I'm not in the mood for debates. Do you want me Yohji?”
Aya crouched over him and he was so tense the blond could almost feel him vibrating. He did not want Aya to leave yet he was not sure he wanted him to stay either. He decided to answer the distraught red heads question honestly. “Well yes but this is not quite how I envisioned it happening.” Yohji did not really like the smirk that appeared on Aya's face.
“Well what did you expect? Flowers? Poetry? Romance perhaps? Sorry to disappoint you.” Aya replied with sarcasm lacing his smooth deep voice.
“Dammit Aya what I didn't expect was to be used to assuage your guilt. Does it even matter if it's me you are fucking? Or would any warm body have worked? Do I matter?” Yohji glared back at Aya whose scowl should have alerted him that the swordsman was getting pissed.
Aya crawled off of the sprawled blond and stood at the foot of the bed. He really did not want to leave but did not feel comfortable discussing his feelings when he was not even sure what they were. Aya wanted Yohji, wanted to lose himself in that long lean body. He wanted to make Yohji scream his name as he came. That was all he wanted, just a way to ease the pain. But he could not do more than that and would leave before the blond wrung a confession out of him he was not willing to give.
Aya ached to sheathe himself in that golden heat. Yohji lay there almost begging to be touched. His thick hair fanned out on the pillow and Aya almost groaned as the blond's tongue darted out to lick his full lips. One arm was flung over his head and the other rested on his toned abdomen just inches above a golden brown thatch of hair and his semi-erect cock. His legs were parted giving Aya a glimpse of what lay beneath. His own arousal twitched at the sight and he lowered his hand to grasp the heated length. Yohji's breathing became more pronounced as he watched Aya idly stroking himself.
“Take it or leave it Kudoh. I'm not offering you any promises or soft words. I want to fuck you. No more than that. I... I can't give you more than that.” Violet met emerald as he looked right into Yohji's eyes. Uncertainty and perhaps something more surfaced in the depths of those eyes before the cold implacable shield slammed down once more. “Your choice but if you turn me down I'll not be coming back.”
Yohji lay there and wished for what Aya was not willing to give. A way past the red heads thick wall of ice that shrouded his emotions. He had hoped that Aya could fill the void left in his own life. That they had enough in common to share a bond and companionship. Yohji did not like being alone, he never had. When he was alone he dwelt too much on the past and could not bear to be left to the mercy of his ghosts. In vain he searched Aya's face for any sign of affection. All he saw was anger and lust.
“What's it going to be Yohji? Take it or leave it.” Aya prompted him impatiently.
With a resigned sigh Yohji knew he would take what Aya offered. Even if it was just to be his fuck toy. He did not particularly like his decision but just having this small piece of Aya was better than nothing at all. Why did I always have to fall for the difficult ones? He berated himself then answered Aya's question. “I'll take you Aya. Any way I can get you.”