Battle of the Bugle
by Aimless
Yohji sauntered into the kitchen looking for something for lunch. He'd just gotten finshed unloading a huge pallet of potting mix and was near ravenous with hunger. He opened the fridge and stared into its nearly bare interior. A half a head of sad looking lettuce, some wrinkled cucumbers and a clear plastic container full of something greenish brown in color. The blond opted not to risk his life by unleashing this new life form on Tokyo...it had been destroyed far too often by too many movie monsters. With a mournful sigh he closed the door after grabbing the last bottle of beer.
He was just about to root through the pantry for a stray pack of instant ramen when he noticed Ken sitting at the table dipping a spoon into a carton of double fudge chunk ice-cream. He watched avidly as the jock swirled the utensil in the dark chocolaty goodness. He brought it to his lips and sighed in bliss as he slowly licked it off the spoon. Nearly drooling, Yohji was drawn closer. If he had not been so hungry, Ken's nearly pornographic enjoyment of the frozen confection would have made him decidedly uncomfortable.
"Ken,” Yohji whined as he attempted to swipe the spoon, “share with me. I'm starving."
"Nope, get your own. This is mine all mine." Ken slapped at Yohji's thieving fingers and made a show of taking another huge bite while moaning in bliss.
"The fridge is empty and I only had coffee for breakfast.” Yohji sidled closer and Ken kept a wary eye on the poacher. “Come on, share. The carton looks almost full."
"Eat the ramen in the cupboard. I think there are some shrimp flavored ones left. That's all we have until Aya and Omi get back from shopping." Ken smirked and ate another bite. He made a show of licking every morsel off the large spoon.
Yohji frowned and his stomach grumbled loudly. He looked into the indicated cabinet and sure enough there were about 10 bricks of the vile ramen and nothing else.
“You know I hate shrimp ramen, Ken.” Yohji turned his begging guileless eyes on the young ex-soccer player. “C’mon take pity on me.”
“I’m immune to your charm Yohji. Go flash that look at Aya. Oh wait you can’t he’s at the store.” Ken grinned and took another huge bite.
“You are evil. Pure evil. You are also a pig. Hoarding all the ice cream like that. Is that why you wear baggy clothes Ken Ken? Are you getting fat? Should I ask Omi if he likes grabbing onto your love handles?” Yohji smirked as Ken dropped his spoon. He opened his beer and took a healthy swig and waited for the explosion.
“LOVE HANDLES? FAT? God dammit I am not fat!” If there was one thing Ken prided himself on it was staying in shape. He ran, lifted weights and did crunches every day.
“Here piggy piggy…oink oink…ooh is that your new pet name?” Yohji was treading on thin ice by baiting his friend but it was payback for selfishly keeping him from chocolate bliss.
Ken stood up and walked over to the blond who was leaning casually against the counter. He let out a spluttered gasp as Ken poked him hard right in the stomach.
“At least I don’t have a beer gut.” Ken pointed out viciously. “Tell me, can Aya even see your hard on under it?” It was a blatant lie since neither men were the least bit out of shape.
“BEER GUT! I’ll show you a beer gut!” Yohji bellowed as he ripped off his shirt and threw it to the floor.
Ken had to admit the blond’s long lean torso did not have an ounce of fat on it anywhere. In fact he was totally sleek and sinuously toned. It was hard not to stare. Even though Ken was perfectly happy with Omi, it did not hurt to look.
“Asshole,” Ken huffed and started to sit back down. “Okay, so you don’t have a pot belly. That doesn’t mean I am sharing my ice cream.”
“Oh no, you don’t get off that easily...what are you trying to hide? Are you afraid I’ll see that Omi has a fetish for chubby guys?” Yohji dragged Ken to his feet and grabbed the hem of his jersey and tried to yank it over his head. He got it half way off when Ken startled to struggle.
“Fuck you Yohji…cut it out! This shirt is brand new! Quit trying to take my clothes off!!” Ken yelled then stopped and stared in alarm as he looked over at the doorway.
Omi stood there with shopping bags looped over his wrists with his baby blue eyes frosty and narrowed. His bow shaped mouth was drawn down into a frown and Ken knew he was in trouble. The dart wielding assassin placed the bags on the table with a loud thump and turned his glacial stare fully on his cowering boyfriend.
“Upstairs now!” Omi growled.
Ken knew that tone…he was doomed. Omi was extremely jealous and still had not forgiven Ken for mentioning that he’d had a dream about Yohji naked and covered with whipped cream. Ken had tried to explain that it was just a fantasy and he’d never ever cheat on his precious Omikins. The youth had not been the least bit mollified and this little escapade had landed him even further in the doghouse.
Dragging his feet like the whipped lover he was, Ken dejectedly stomped up the stairs. He missed Omi’s little giggle and bright smile as he followed. This was going to be fun, the young assassin thought as he followed Ken. Once they got to the bedroom Omi’s death glare was in place again and Ken gulped audibly as the blond chibi shut and locked the door.
Back in the kitchen Yohji offered Aya an apologetic shrug and a wink as he tried to hug the prickly red head. Aya gracefully avoided his embrace and set his bags on the table. His parting words as he left the kitchen made Yohji roll his eyes dramatically.
“I don’t even want to know Kudoh…I really don’t.” Then he left.
Yohji looked around the kitchen at all the bags he was now expected to put away. He considered following Aya and trying for an afternoon quickie when his stomach rumbled loudly.
The blond grinned as he spied the ice cream container now sitting all but forgotten. He picked up the carton and took a large bite. He moaned in bliss much like Ken had done. It was sinfully perfect and just the right stage of melted mooshiness. He sank down in the chair that Ken had also occupied a little while ago and took another bite. He smirked as he slowly ate every last bit of the rich treat.
Yohji leaned back in the chair and patted his now pleasantly full stomach and belched loudly. He had won a major victory and sighed in contentment at having deprived Ken of his favorite dessert in the whole world…yup life was good.
It just got better when Aya wandered back into the kitchen and rooted around in one of the bags. Maybe a quickie was not out of the question after all. The red head nimbly escaped his tentacle like grasp and carried his new trashy novel out of the kitchen. His parting shot took all the wind out of Yohji’s sails and made him groan.
“Put away the groceries and if you are thinking of a quickie forget it. Go grope Ken some more if you are feeling horny.” Then Aya left the room.
Yohji got the distinct impression he’s be spending the night alone in his big bed.