You Always Hurt the One You Love
by Aimless
The fight had been hellish.
The youkai came out of nowhere and ambushed the Sanzo party as they attempted to cross a rain swollen creek. Hakkai and Gojyo circled the mob while Goku charged right into the middle. The golden eyed teen yelled gleefully as he enthusiastically swung his Nyoibou. Sanzo stood calmly off to one side picking off the stragglers with precise shots from his holy gun.
A sudden loudly chirped warning from Hakuryuu alerted the green eyed man to their predicament. Then a frantically shouted warning from Hakkai had everyone looking around in alarm. A veritable wall of muddy water rushed towards the melee. The flash flood nearly caught them all by surprise.
They all scrambled for safety as the fight was momentarily forgotten. As luck would have it Hakkai and Gojyo ended up on one side. While Goku all but dragged the cursing monk up the steep bank on the opposite side of the now raging river.
Some of the enemy washed away in the torrent but many more were waiting to take their place. The gods seemed to be laughing at Sanzo today as most of the snarling demons ended up on their side.
Soon Sanzo lost sight of Goku all together as the teen was buried under a pile of hissing, clawing youkai. But he had his own problems to worry about. Now out of bullets the monk had to hold off the horde intent on taking his sacred scroll. Using an appropriated cudgel Sanzo fought as clawed hands reached out to snag the sutra hanging around his neck.
Goku stumbled under the weight of the youkai trying to drag him away from Sanzo. He lost sight of the monk and his stomach clenched with fear when the gunfire stopped. A sudden blow to the head left him reeling as he irritably brushed at his bloody forehead. A familiar yell of pain caused the young man to literally see red. With a shout and a surge of rage fueled strength Goku threw off his attackers and laid them out. He showed no mercy in his haste to see if Sanzo was all right.
Sanzo, surrounded by six attackers, dodged one swipe of a clawed hand only to get a slice across his arm from a knife. Thinking it was a good idea the other five grinning youkai pulled similar weapons.
Fucking perfect! Sanzo thought as he was grazed as another slash got in under his guard. The long cut on his upper, outside left thigh bled sluggishly down his worn blue jeans. The wickedly honed weapon having gone through his mud stained robes as well. The monk managed to brain one attacker as another hit his back. The fierce sting and biting heat let him know this knife had also drawn blood.
A hand grabbed Sanzo’s hair and pulled him backward. He lost his balance and was hit again across his right chest. More blood to add to the many cuts he’d already suffered. They were toying with him! Sanzo realized. The demons thought him easy prey and were making this fight as painfully degrading as possible. Though their jeered taunts only served to infuriate the monk.
Just when the fight appeared over as the remaining four demons pinned Sanzo’s arms a veritable whirlwind exploded in their midst.
Goku finally cleared his attackers and got a view of his most important person. Sanzo, bleeding from many knife wounds was held trapped by four large youkai.
Without a second thought Goku leaped. He effortlessly covered the distance and brought his staff down sharply on the head of the demon holding Sanzo’s right arm. It fell dead to the ground. Its head cracked open like an over ripe melon. The other three were dispatched as quickly and an anxious Goku tried to see the extent of Sanzo’s wounds.
Sanzo was embarrassed that he had to be saved by the hyper monkey. He angrily shoved Goku aside as the teen patted at his aching injuries. The blond monk peered through the rain and saw Hakkai waving from the opposite bank. Gojyo stood by his side leaning on his weapon. His jaunty salute only pissed the monk off more.
After yelling back and forth they decided to each go to a nearby town for the night. Hakkai would look for an alternate route across the river tomorrow. He would pick them up after the rain ceased.
Without looking back Sanzo walked briskly off into the deepening gloom. He wanted to get to the hole in the wall town they’d driven through a mile or so back. A hotel room, beer, smokes and a warm bed was all he craved.
As hotels went the place was not half bad. The room contained two double beds, a small table with two chairs and a small chest of drawers between the beds. Sanzo switched on the light and walked into the room. He gingerly sank down onto one of the chairs as he watched Goku close the door. The teen dropped a large backpack on the floor with a squish. He brushed his wet bangs off his head briefly displaying the golden diadem on his forehead. It was lucky he’d been able to save one of their backpacks. As it was they’d have to shop for more clothes and supplies when the weather cleared.
Sanzo lit a cigarette and tossed his lighter on the table. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. The hiss as his back brushed against the chair was overly loud in the quiet room. The blond monk did not even have to open his eyes to know he was under intense scrutiny.
“What?” Sanzo snapped irritably. He was wet, sore and was not in the mood to be assaulted by the hyper teen.
“You’re bleeding.” Goku wanted to run to Sanzo and make sure he was all right. Uncharacteristically he held his ground. Almost afraid to approach the standoffish monk.
“No shit.” Sanzo replied as he took another deep drag. The nicotine had a slight calming effect and Sanzo sighed as he felt the knots in his shoulders ease slightly.
“I need to…that is…Hakkai isn’t here and he told me wounds need to be treated or they’ll get infected.” Goku stammered.
“So?” Sanzo muttered. Not being able to stand it a moment longer he stood and shrugged out of his water logged robes. They hit the floor with a wet splat and he kicked them aside. The monk’s muddy sandals were also toed off and shoved aside. Only dressed in his black sleeveless shirt, fingerless gloves and low slung jeans he sat back down.
Now the damage was evident. The slash across his back seeped blood that stained the waistband of his jeans. The red color looking bright and garish against the black of his shirt. The blood on Sanzo’s upper arm crusted around the wound but every movement brought fresh droplets to the surface. As did the cut through the denim on his upper thigh. Finally the long knife injury on his chest made the tight material gape as it exposed the pale skin of Sanzo’s torso.
Goku bit his lip and nervously shifted. His own head ached from the blow he took to the forehead but it did not hinder him in wanting to help Sanzo first. The teen went to the only backpack and he rummaged inside until he found the kit where Hakkai kept their meager store of medical supplies. He grabbed the box and slowly approached the table.
Goku disappeared into the bathroom to wash his hands and fill a bowl with warm water. He grabbed a cloth and returned to the bedroom. Then he opened the box and laid out gauze, antiseptic and adhesive tape. Finally he just stood and stared at Sanzo’s back. Unsure about where to start.
Sanzo let out a derisive snort. “Well get on with it if you insist on annoying me.”
“Ah…Sanzo? You have to take your shirt off.” Goku tried not to wad up the gauze square in his hand.
“Ch...” Sanzo muttered as he got to his feet.
He grabbed the hem of his black shirt and slowly peeled it away from his wounds. As he raised the fabric Sanzo revealed a leanly muscled body. Goku’s mouth went dry as he reached for a bowl on the table. The teen’s grip on the container slipped as he took in that expanse of skin. The bowl fell with a clatter spilling some of the water and Sanzo glanced over his shoulder. He pinned Goku with a glare and made a derisive noise before looking away.
Goku’s eyes traveled down Sanzo’s spine and lingered on the low riding waistband of the monk’s jeans. He almost reached out to touch the dimples that peeked out tantalizingly above the material. Sanzo tossed the shirt aside without a second thought and went to work on his arm guards. The monk hissed when they stuck to the dried blood of the cuts on his arms. Then they too ended up in a heap on the floor.
Sanzo turned his chair around and sat with his arms resting on the back. Leaving the longest slice above his hip exposed to be treated. The monk was not sure what to expect but the gentle touch from Goku’s strong hands were not it. Surprised Sanzo had to ask.
“Where did you learn to do this?” The monk could not help the shiver that crept up his spine as a warm wash cloth removed any trace of dirt.
Goku bit his lip and tried to keep his hand from shaking as he finally got to touch his heart’s desire.
“I…I learned from Hakkai. He got tired of a drunken Gojyo trying to patch him up and taught me instead. Is it ok? This stuff is going to sting.” Goku warned.
“Whatever.” Sanzo drowsily replied. Although he did grip the chair rungs tightly as the astringent antiseptic was stroked over his cuts.
Goku gently tended the injuries on Sanzo’s hip and arms. He applied neat bandages and then taped the edges to keep them in place. His heart was racing and being in such close proximity to Sanzo had an alarming effect. A rather healthy erection pushed against the front of his pants and Goku almost whimpered. Of all the times for it to happen.
When he’d first discovered certain urges and dreams it did not take a genius to figure out what was going on. His body was finally catching up and making the transition into adulthood. One could hardly live around Gojyo for so long and not be exposed to sex. The Kappa was horny most of the time and the focus of his attentions was most often Hakkai. Sanzo chose to ignore the noises from their shared tent and merely sent the guilty parties glares the next morning. But Goku had a harder time shutting out the quiet moans and whispered pleas.
Hakkai noticed the distance Goku gave them and the furious blushes when he glanced their way. Gojyo leaped on this new development and tried to tease the teen mercilessly. Until Hakkai hit him upside the head and furiously whispered a threat that turned Gojyo pale. After that the red head left Goku alone at least where his puberty was concerned.
Hakkai was happy to see Goku taking an interest at last. The teen was stuck in limbo for the longest time. Never seemingly aging or becoming a mature adult. He knew that Goku loved the blond monk with an utter devotion. Now his body was making him ready to do something about it. It was clear to him that Sanzo felt some affection for the teen as well. No matter how much he tried to hide it. The monk was always watching Goku. He would freak out if the teen was lost or injured. Also the few times Hakkai woke first in the morning and peered into the tent Sanzo shared with Goku he saw the blond’s hands reaching out to the teen in slumber. As if his subconscious tried to take what the monk tried to hide. Once after Goku had been sent to bed with a horrible concussion Sanzo volunteered to watch him. Later Hakkai went to check on Goku’s injuries and found the monk asleep as well. Wrapped protectively around the deeply sleeping teen. Hakkai had smiled and backed silently out of the tent.
So Hakkai took Goku aside and had a rather frank discussion with the young man. One that left Goku red faced for days but clearer on what his body was trying to tell him.
It was really up to Sanzo though. Goku would never make the first move for fear of being rejected and cast aside.
But that did not make it any easier to treat Sanzo’s injuries. Plus there was still the bleeding gash on the monk’s thigh. Goku took a deep breath before asking.
“Um…Sanzo? That cut on your leg looks pretty bad. I’m gonna need to clean it out and bandage it too.” Goku whispered.
“No. It’s fine.” Sanzo growled. Goku’s careful ministering elicited thoughts that best remained buried. Not even under torture would the monk admit that it felt nice to have the young man’s hands on him.
“But Sanzo it’ll get infected and you’ll get a fever and maybe die! Plus it’s still bleeding.” Goku whined.
Sanzo scowled when Goku reached towards the tear in his jeans. He knew that tone. Goku would plead and moan until he gave in or shot at the teen just to get some peace.
“All right! Just back up and leave me be for a minute!” Sanzo snapped. The thought of Goku’s hands tending him there left the monk rattled.
Goku watched anxiously as Sanzo took a deep breath. The monk’s hands deftly unbuttoned his jeans and worked the zipper downward. Cursing as cut skin scraped on wet denim Sanzo peeled off the soggy garment. Now only dressed in a pair of black briefs he returned to the chair. This time sitting facing forward to give Goku access to the rest of his injuries.
“At least get me a fucking towel I’m still wet.” Sanzo snapped as he grabbed for his cigarette pack. He frowned when he realized it was empty. Just perfect!
Goku scurried off to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. He glanced in the mirror at his flushed face. His wide amber eyes blinked back. He hesitated and tried to calm his breathing. It’s not as if he’d never seen Sanzo undressed before. But this time seeing the monk’s bare body made him hot and shivery feeling. Not much scared the brash young man but the thought of going back in there and tending the rest of Sanzo’s wounds left him terrified. But if he didn’t they might get infected and make Sanzo sick. The monk was notorious for neglecting his own body.
Goku tried closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths just like Hakkai taught him. Meditation he called it and Hakkai claimed it worked wonders to soothe a troubled mind. Goku also tried to ignore his still pounding head. That one Demon really hit him hard and his forehead was turning a lovely shade of purple.
“Are you going to finish or what? It’s fucking cold in here!” Sanzo called irritably from the other room.
Goku jumped startled by the monk’s angry voice.
“Coming Sanzo.” Goku automatically yelled back. He grabbed a towel and scurried into the room.
Sanzo took the towel and rubbed his hair until it was only slightly damp. He winced as the movement pulled at his cuts. He then dropped the towel into his lap and waited for Goku to finish tending his injuries.
Goku grabbed another antiseptic doused pad and stepped in front of the seated monk. He decided to get the worst bit over with first. He dabbed away the blood and tried not to stare as Sanzo’s thigh muscles tensed. Toned from all the walking they did and sprinkled with a dusting of golden blond hairs Goku bit his lip as his knuckles grazed the surprisingly soft skin.
Sanzo sat immobile in the chair and tried not to breathe in the rain clean scent of Goku’s hair. His bent head just inches from the monk’s chin. Sanzo’s fists clenched as he tried to ignore the pain from the cut and the arousal from the teen’s proximity. Despite his feelings for the young man Sanzo needed to keep his distance. He couldn’t afford to give in to his desires. The road ahead would be a harsh one and he might have to sacrifice them all to achieve the goal set him by the gods. The thought of losing Goku was a pain he did not think he could bear. So it was best to deny his emotions and stifle his lust.
Though doing so felt wrong. Like a mistake one makes over and over. But Sanzo’s stubborn will convinced him to reject Goku’s clumsy advances. A part of him wondered if the pain he felt in doing so was worth the effort. Goku moved closer and carefully applied a few butterfly bandages on the deeper end of the knife slice. He taped a large gauze square over all as Sanzo shuddered.
“Sorry, sorry did I hurt you?” Goku asked breathlessly. He’d been holding it so he would not embarrass himself.
“Just finish I’m tired.” Sanzo muttered. He needed to visit the bathroom until his body’s reaction to Goku’s touch subsided.
“Last cut and then I’m done. It doesn’t look so bad.” Goku dabbed at the shallow graze on the monk’s chest. He jumped when the side of his hand brushed Sanzo’s nipple. Goku stared as it crinkled up into a small point. Unable to resist Goku reached out and lightly touched it again.
Sanzo gasped and froze. Did Goku just deliberately touch him? Not…not there! Goddess if felt so good as the teen stroked his skin and his rough knuckle glided over his nipple. He closed his eyes and waited to see what Goku would do next.
Amazed that he was not attacked for touching Sanzo he could not help tracing the monk’s prominent collarbone. Goku’s fingers raised goose bumps on Sanzo’s fair skin and caused a shiver to travel his lean frame. Goku really had no idea what he was doing but the need to touch lent his hands the boldness to explore.
Sanzo’s resolve flew merrily out the window as careful fingers traced the contours of his chest. His vow to not get involved took a backseat to his screaming libido. Always circumspect in his dalliances the monk’s carnal encounters were few and far between. Usually a like minded acolyte was enough to sate his body’s infrequent demands. But it had been so long and Goku’s touch enflamed him like no other.
Goku could not believe he was allowed such liberties. As if handling something as fragile as spun glass Goku touched the monk as he’d been aching to do. Feeling his way along taut muscles and sharp angles. But he wanted more and Sanzo sat rigid in his chair. Allowing but not encouraging the teen’s explorations.
Goku slid his hands up Sanzo’s shoulders and traced the monk’s collarbone with careful fingers. Giving in to impulse the teen leaned forward and brushed his lips across a purpling scrape on Sanzo’s neck.
Sanzo inhaled abruptly when he felt the tip of an inquisitive tongue trace a welt from his earlier fight. The warm wetness caused an involuntary shiver to race up his spine. Up that tongue glided until Goku’s mouth nuzzled the hollow behind the monk’s ear. Where had the kid learned to do this?
Feeling bold Goku did something he’d seen Hakkai do to Gojyo. The teen nibbled lightly on Sanzo’s neck until he got to the monk’s ear. He sucked the lobe into his mouth and smiled nervously. He’d heard that little groan from Sanzo! He hadn’t been shot yet!
Sanzo’s hands clenched in his lap in an effort not to grab Goku and drag him into his lap. He bit his lip as Goku followed the contours of his ear with his tongue. Fuck! The kid was a natural. Then the teen’s mouth left little wet kisses across Sanzo’s prominent cheekbones to the corner of his mouth.
Goku pulled back a little and widely dilated golden eyes stared uncertainly at Sanzo. Unsure what to do next he stood there panting slightly.
Goku’s breath lightly feathered his bangs as Sanzo gazed into Goku’s eyes. The monk felt as if he was standing on the edge of a precipice. As if the whole world stopped and waited for him to make a decision.
The right decision.
Sanzo looked deeply into that honeyed stare and saw boundless devotion, adoration and fear. The monk frowned and tried to disregard the feeling he was being herded this direction. He tried to puzzle out the nature of his feelings. Why he should be so enamored of the young man standing somewhat timidly in front of him.
“S…Sanzo? D…did I do something wrong?” Goku’s soft voice and the hurt creeping into his face proved to be the monk’s undoing. The teen nervously licked his lips.
Raptly Sanzo watched that small pink tongue.
Tired of feeling as if fate of the whole universe hung on his every move Sanzo threw caution to the wind for once in his life.
“Fuck it!” Sanzo muttered.
His hands fisted in Goku’s shirt as he drug the teen closer. Pulled his head down and claimed what was rightfully his. It had been a long time since Sanzo earnestly kissed anyone. Not since his teen years when he’d become infatuated with a fellow disciple of the temple. A rather sweet tempered and pretty young man who had not survived the first wave of demon attacks.
Now eager to make up for lost time Sanzo’s mouth traced the shape of Goku’s lips. Learning the curved bow and full lower lip. Sanzo’s hands threaded into the teen’s hair and rested along side of the diadem that kept Goku’s powers in check. His tongue stroked the seam of Goku’s mouth and the teen gasped.
Goku’s eyes closed as Sanzo’s mouth covered his. This kiss, his first, was electrifying in its intensity. Never in his wildest dreams could Goku have imagined how this would make him feel. The vague feelings he’d been experiencing coalesced into want, need and desperate lust. The love he always felt for the monk became sharper and more defined.
Goku knew. At last he knew what he wanted.
Goku’s lips parted and the teen was surprised when Sanzo’s tongue slid into his mouth. The monk’s tongue caressed his palate and traced the shape of his teeth. Hesitantly Goku moved his tongue against the monk’s and was rewarded by a soft groan. Their breaths mingled and Goku was vividly aware of Sanzo’s body pressed close to his.
Unsure of what to do with his hands Goku rested them on the monk’s shoulders. Afraid of doing something wrong and making Sanzo stop.
Which was unlikely. Sanzo’s blood raced through his veins as he plundered the teen’s mouth. It was obvious that Goku was a novice at kissing so the monk took total control. Sliding his tongue sinuously along the teens as he drank in every moan.
Patience was never Sanzo’s strong point and in his urgency to get to bare skin the monk ripped open the front of Goku’s shirt. His hands traced a clearly defined and lithe chest. While not large in stature the young demon was sleekly muscled. Partly from his heritage and partly from a life spent in nearly constant travel.
Unable to resist the bronzed skin Sanzo’s lips trailed down Goku’s neck. The teen’s hands tightened on the monk’s shoulders as Sanzo’s lips brushed one dusky nipple. His fingers teased the other to a hard point as the monk blew on damp skin.
“S…Sanzo…Ah…Sanzo!” Goku cried breathlessly.
“Shhhh…quiet.” Sanzo absently commanded as he bent to tongue the ridges of Goku’s abdomen. The awkward position pulled uncomfortably on his cuts so the monk lifted his head and glanced over at the bed.
Unable to think past his raging erection Sanzo shoved and Goku sprawled awkwardly on the mattress. Covering the teen’s body with his own, Sanzo once more attacked that tantalizing golden skin.
A red flush bloomed across Goku’s cheeks as Sanzo tasted and licked every inch of his torso. His skin felt as if it was on fire and he shifted restlessly beneath the monk’s body. When one unplanned thrust of Goku’s hips brought their groins in contact the teen moaned loudly and gripped the bed covers tightly. Sweat beaded on his skin as Sanzo’s mouth left a stinging possessive trail down Goku’s body.
Sanzo frowned when he got to the waistband of Goku’s jeans. He could see the evidence of the teen’s desire and was rewarded by a loud groan when he stroked that intriguing lump. Goku’s back arched trapping the monk’s hand between their bodies.
“Sanzo!” Goku yelped when the monk dug his fingers into the unyielding material.
Panting heavily Goku watched as Sanzo sat up. A shudder went through his body as the monk unbuttoned his jeans and slowly drew down the zipper. No one else had ever touched him like this. He’d just barely discovered that touching himself felt good. But this did not compare at all to his nighttime fumblings.
“Shoes off.” Sanzo’s sharp voice snapped the teen’s attention back to the monk.
Used to that commanding tone Goku toed off his sneakers and lay there trying to find some way to calm himself. Sanzo sat astride his thighs and leaned back. His fingers hooked in the waist of Goku’s jeans and he pulled them off, hooking Goku’s boxers as well. Sanzo rose up and pulled the garments all the way off and tossed them to the floor.
Now Goku laid spread gloriously nude under him with his upper body framed in the unbuttoned shirt.
Goku trembled under that appraising stare.
Sanzo’s eyes took in every inch of the teen’s well formed body. Chest broadened by impending adulthood, trim hips and strong thighs met his gaze. Still mostly hairless the teen’s body showed obvious signs of maturity. From the dusting of chestnut brown hairs under Goku’s arms to the thatch of darker brown curls encircling his rigid sex. Nicely shaped and adequately sized the sight of Goku’s cock fascinated Sanzo.
Goku’s hips bucked as Sanzo reached out to stroke that velvet flesh. A harsh breath exploded from the teen’s mouth at the first touch. Heat raced through his veins and his head swam. Too many sensations overloaded his senses as Sanzo bent and licked delicately at the clear bead of liquid that gathered at the tip of Goku’s penis.
Goku’s head tossed on the pillow as Sanzo’s mouth covered him. The teen’s fingers threatened to punch right through the mattress as he hung on desperately. The monk’s agile tongue swirled around the head tracing each indentation. Goku’s taste was earthy and raw a reminder that he was a child of nature. The flavor was intoxicating and slowly Sanzo took in Goku’s whole length.
Goku’s toes curled as the monk raised his head dragging his tongue along the vein running the length of the teen’s erection. Sanzo’s own groin throbbed in response to each of Goku’s moans and restless cries.
“S…Sanzo…I can’t…I…need…I…Ah Sanzo!” Goku’s cries alerted the monk to his imminent release. It did not take long and the monk gripped the teen’s hips tightly as he arched his back and came.
One more strong suck and Goku was overwhelmed. His vision grayed out and shudders wracked his body. Sanzo greedily drank him down as Goku’s cock twitched in his mouth. Finally Goku relaxed and went limp. Harsh gasps filled the room as the teen tried to gather his scattered wits.
Sanzo took one more leisurely lick of the teen’s spent sex and let him slip from his mouth. He sat up licking his lips and staring at the debauched wreck that was Goku. Smugly Sanzo leaned forward and whispered in Goku’s ear.
“My turn.”
Goku shivered at his possessive tone. He watched apprehensively as the monk got off the bed. Still the sight of Sanzo’s body caused his desire to stir. He could not take his eyes off the monk as he slowly peeled out of his briefs. Revealing a large healthy erection with a blunt rosy head. Goku bit his lip and lay there as Sanzo grabbed something out of the first aid kit before returning to the bed.
The monk crouched over Goku and lowered his head. Sanzo’s lips claimed the young man as his hands stroked the trembling skin of his thighs. The monk deeply explored Goku’s mouth cutting off any protests as his knee nudged the teen’s thighs apart. Sanzo’s fingers stroked the soft skin of Goku’s inner thighs just brushing the swell of his ass.
Goku gasped against that invading tongue and squirmed under the monk. He could not see what exactly Sanzo was doing but he could feel fingers brush against a place not even he had ever touched before. He could vaguely hear a cap being snapped open and he held his breath as something cool and greasy touched his hole.
At that first touch of an invading finger Goku went rigid and then panicked.
This was too much too soon. Goku wanted Sanzo but what was about to happen scared the teen. Goku shoved the monk and rolled away. Now turned on his side he tried to catch his breath.
Sanzo lost his balance and sprawled backward on the bed. The tube of antibiotic ointment went flying and he lay there panting. His slick erection pointing straight up at the ceiling. With a curse Sanzo scrambled to his feet and stalked off to the bathroom slamming the door.
Goku laid there mortified at what he’d done. Hakkai had explained to him about sex but the reality was so much different than the lecture. He’d been overwhelmed by emotion and hadn’t known what to do. He felt like an idiot. A total failure. Sanzo would not doubt come back into the room and laugh. Then go and find someone willing to do whatever he wanted.
Miserably Goku curled into a little ball and could not help the tears that slid down his cheeks.
Sanzo stared into the bathroom mirror. He berated and called himself every name he could think of. He’d gotten carried away and almost took Goku with barely any preparation. Goku was a virgin. New to sex and everything that came with it.
The last time the monk had been in such a position he was as inexperienced as his lover. Had he become so jaded that hurting the one person that cared about him the most was ok? Sanzo took a deep breath and examined his feelings. Something he tried to avoid at all costs. But this was too important to fuck up.
The monk thought back to a time before he’d freed Goku from that lonely mountain top. His own life was just as bleak and meaningless. He wandered from temple to temple never staying in one place too long. Never getting attached…never caring about anything.
Then came this veritable whirlwind into his life. This young man so full of wonder and enthusiasm. He’d watched Goku grow up before his very eyes. Granted mental maturity was not the teen’s strongpoint. But Goku had a huge loving heart, boundless devotion and fierce loyalty for his friends. Especially for one cranky monk.
Sanzo could not imagine life without his noisy companion. Was it love? The monk was not at all sure. Goku still infuriated him beyond belief. Got on his last nerve on a regular basis and generally made a nuisance of himself.
The few times Sanzo let himself take comfort in the teen’s presence were precious to him. When they shared the small tent and he woke with the teen snuggled into his arms. When Goku sought him out above all others and defended him at the risk of his own life. These memories he horded away and took an immeasurable amount of comfort from.
Now though he’d almost destroyed what Goku was so eager to give. He’d left the teen huddled on the bed convinced he’d done something wrong. He had to go back in there and make it right somehow. Sex was definitely not the answer. At least not right now. Most thought the monk heartless. Nothing could be further from the truth. He guarded it zealously but somehow the amber eyed teen made a place for himself within.
So steeling his resolve Sanzo walked back into the room. Only to find Goku curled on the bed sound asleep. He walked to the bedside and gazed upon the sleeping teen. Still nude Goku lay there brow furrowed as if with uneasy dreams. Dried tear tracks stained his cheeks and he quietly murmured Sanzo’s name in a seeking, plaintive voice.
Sanzo reached out and brushed overly long bangs off Goku’s forehead. His fingers traced the golden diadem before trailing over his cheek. The chill of the room made Sanzo shiver slightly. Reluctantly the monk stepped away and rummaged in their one backpack.
Sanzo found a pair of cotton draw string pants that probably belonged to Hakkai and slipped them over his lean hips. A t-shirt was found near the bottom and he put that on as well. Barefoot he padded over to the window.
Rain beat against the glass and he touched the cold surface. He traced the rivulets of moisture as they streaked downward. Sanzo felt the familiar surge of melancholy and sighed.
Fucking rain! He hated it. The gloom always brought with it unwelcome memories.
Sanzo shivered again and cursed himself for a fool once more.
“S…Sanzo? I’m sorry.” Goku’s dejected voice was worse than his guilt ridden depression.
“It’s not your fault.” Sanzo quietly replied.
“But I made you leave. I did something wrong. I…I…tell me what to do.” Goku’s voice trembled on the edge of tears.
Sanzo finally turned to look at the teen. Goku sat up in the middle of the bed and swiped a hand across his eyes. To have such a vibrant and enthusiastic young man reduced to this made Sanzo’s chest ache. He came to a decision and walked over to the bed.
“Scoot over. I’m cold.” Sanzo ordered. But the usual cynicism was gone from his voice.
“But…but…the other bed.” Goku stammered.
“I want this one.” Sanzo pointed out.
“O…Ok I’ll move.” Goku started to get up but a hand on his shoulder stopped the confused teen.
“I want you. I want you to stay here. With me.” Sanzo forced out. Shit! This was not easy for him to admit.
“You want me?” The hope in Goku’s voice was like a ray of sunshine.
“Just scoot.” Sanzo watched as Goku slid over to the far side of the bed.
Sanzo pulled back the covers and lay down. Still Goku remained on the far edge. This was not at all what he wanted.
“Ch…” Sanzo rolled his eyes and grabbed Goku pulling him close. He wrapped his arms around the startled teen and laid his head on that cap of chestnut hair.
“I…Is this all right?” Goku hesitantly asked when all he wanted to do was melt into the monk’s embrace.
“Yes it’s all right. Now go to sleep.” Sanzo sighed deeply as he felt something inside him uncoil and release. Feelings he thought long dead. For the first time in ages he completely relaxed.
Goku timidly patted the arm wound around his waist. He nestled into Sanzo’s side and rested his head on the monk’s chest. He placed a light kiss on the side of Sanzo’s neck and closed his eyes.
“Night Sanzo. Ah…can we do this again sometime?” The teen could not resist asking.
“You mean sleep like this? Only if you don’t pester me to death.” Sanzo drowsily answered.
“No…ah...yeah this is nice too. But…I meant the other.” Sanzo swore he could feel Goku blushing.
“When you’re ready. Now hush.” Sanzo truly liked the feel of the strong young man lying so trustingly in his arms.
“Kay.” Goku whispered as his body relaxed and his breathing deepened. He drifted to sleep with a contented smile on his face.
Yes they would try a repeat of earlier events. But taking it slowly this time and making sure Goku understood the intimacy of the act. Now that Sanzo was well on the way to sorting out his tangled feelings he’d be able to take it slowly. Despite what his traitorous body led him to believe. Having Goku’s naked warm body pressed against his was having the inevitable reaction.
But one that could be ignored. For now this one moment could be counted among the few truly perfect ones in Sanzo’s life.