Ebisu - Flosam or Shinobi?
by Aimless
AN: Ok a little background on this ficlet. There is a teacher in Naruto named Ebisu. He is the tutor of Konahameru, who is the grandson of the third Hokage. Ebisu also means debris washed up on the beach in the Japanese language. So after learning this I HAD to write this little funny snippet. Oh and Genma and Raidou are two ninjas of Konoha. They are most often paired up in most fanfiction. Genma’s chosen weapon is the senbon or throwing needle. He is always seen with one in his mouth like a toothpick.
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It was the annual Shinobi camping trip/training mission. Actually it was an excuse to get away for a few days to drink, get back to nature, drink some more, connect with their fellow ninja, drink till they passed out and totally cut loose. This year it was decided to head for the shore for some fun and sun in the sand.
There appeared to be a large object washed up on the beach. It was covered with seaweed and resembled nothing more than a large dead fish.
Raidou having spotted the rather suspicious debris decided to check it out. After all you never knew when the random fish disguised enemy ninja might appear to totally catch you off guard. He pulled Genma away from a rather silly strip poker match. Made him put his clothes back on because really no one wanted to see THAT flapping in the breeze again. Then dragged him off to check out the unidentified bit of flotsam littering the pristine white sand.
Cautiously the pair approached the large, water logged, seemingly dead, potentially disguised enemy. Raidou was about to poke the object with a stick when Genma sharply pinched his ass. The scarred nin let out a rather girlie shriek and spun around in mid air hands bristling with shuriken. He saw Genma with a way too innocent grin on his face and scowled.
“You are sleeping with Kakashi tonight! Why I ever consented to have a relationship with you in the first place I’ll never know. In fact you might not get laid again this whole trip if you don’t knock it the hell off!” Raidou huffed as he turned back and prodded the mass of seaweed.
“Aw No man...not Kakashi! He snores and I swear he tried to cop a feel even though he was totally asleep the last time I had to share a tent with him. It’s like he sprouts all these arms and they have a mind of their own. My virtue is not safe with him.” Genma shifted the senbon in his mouth and looked beseechingly at his lover.
Raidou doubled over laughing. “Virtue? You? I swear you could not be virtuous locked in a temple full of ancient celibate monks with nothing but scrolls for company. You and your virtue have not crossed paths since you hit puberty.” Still snorting with glee the dark haired ninja jumped backward when the lump on the ground groaned and shifted.
“Wait I know that groan… Ebisu?” Genma knelt down and cleared away some of the bracken and sand.
“Hey how do you know what he sounds like when he groans? You are a slut!” Raidou huffed and crouched down as well.
Genma slapped Raidou on the back of the head nearly causing him to lose his balance and fall onto the waterlogged Ninja.
“Hey! I know what he sounds like because we were on a mission together and he got hurt. Gee don’t trust me do you?” Genma pouted.
“Hmmm let me see…who was it last night after losing strip poker again and having drank most of two bottles of sake. Got up and did a, what did you call it? Oh yes a ninja fertility dance. Waving your dick around and making it talk. By the way you suck at ventriloquism.” Raidou shook his head at the disturbing memory. Really Genma should not drink himself stupid.
“Hey I was drunk ok and you could have stopped me! Instead you threw your spare change at me. Come to think of it so did the other guys. Quite a tidy profit too. But hey what about Ebisu? He groaned so he’s not dead. I wonder what happened.” Genma cleared away the rest of the debris and rolled the ninja onto his back. His eyes widened at the deflated water wings clinging to Ebisu’s upper arms.
“What happened man?” Raidou helped the half drowned ninja sit up.
Ebisu coughed out a gout of water and wheezed. “Can’t swim… dog paddling.” He coughed some more. “Kakashi…asshole. Water Jutsu. Big fucking wave. Thought I was going to die!” Then he slumped over exhausted.
Genma and Raidou got up and slung their arms around Ebisu’s waist and started to drag him back to camp.
“So why do you think Kakashi tried to kill Ebisu?” Genma asked. Really anything the silver haired copy Nin decided to do did not really surprise him anymore.
“Well Iruka said something about wanting to go surfing…” Raidou replied with a shake of his head. Really everyone knew that Kakashi was smitten with Iruka. Everyone except Iruka that is.
“Kill Kakashi…” Ebisu muttered and passed out again.