Everything I need
by Aimless
Chapter 5
I was back in that stinking alleyway. This time instead of Akabane getting his rocks off by tormenting me he had someone else with him that made my blood run cold. I was pinned again to the rough bricks and now I was facing the narrow dark space. Outlined in what little light seeped through was that trench coat wearing freak. Wrapped around his fist was a gleaming silver chain and attached to the other end was my partner. Ginji was wearing nothing but a heavy leather collar. His body was covered in welts and bruises as he knelt hunched on the cracked pavement. Ginji’s soft brown eyes were wide with pain and he looked at me accusingly.
“Why did you leave me Ban-chan? Why? He… he hurt me.” Ginji’s broken and stuttering voice ripped me to shreds far worse than the knives pinning me to the wall.
I struggled wildly as Akabane slowly approached dragging Ginji along like a whipped dog. He stopped right in front of me and smiled mockingly.
“Yes Midou why don’t you tell your little friend why you left him in my tender care.” The sick fuck reached out his hand to touch my face and I recoiled violently.
Guilt and remorse froze my tongue and I could do nothing but look at the ravaged body of my partner.
“I wanted to thank you for such a lovely gift. He proved to be quite the stimulating plaything. Would you like to watch as I make him scream?” His voice was a soft hiss as he brought his face close to mine.
He was too close. I could feel his breath against my neck and I could hear Ginji’s broken crying. It was all my fault. The gloved hand wrapped around my throat and began to squeeze.
“Then again perhaps I should just kill you now so the last thing you’ll ever see is your precious Ginji’s battered face.” The grip tightened.
“S…stop! No! Please.” I choked out as I began to fight and struggle. I could feel his hands on me and I began to fight in earnest.
Nothing registered but the need to get free. To get away from the insane man that tormented me. I had to save Ginji…I had to. One of my fists hit flesh and a pained yelp registered before I slid forward and water closed over my head.
Suddenly liquid filled my nose and mouth. It stung my eyes as I thrashed. Coughing and hacking I struggled as arms lifted me upward. I was still somewhat trapped in the nightmare and Akabane was looming closely. My muscles screamed with pain and all the good the soak in a hot tub was undone as tried to make sense out of what was going on.
I had soapy water in my sinuses and my eyes were streaming as I hacked up some more of the bath water. The dream had seemed so real and I’d had trouble shaking it off. The two pain pills I’d taken right before I’d gotten in had probably not been the best of ideas.
“Ban! Stop! Ow! Quit fighting me!” Barely penetrated my consciousness.
The bath…I’d been in the bath. I must have fallen asleep. What a hell of a way to wake up. I blinked at the stinging soapy water and gripped the edge of the tub. A hand reached out to rub my back and I shied away. The dream was still too close for me to bear a casual touch.
“Ban-chan are you all right?” Ginji asked rather timidly.
“What happened?” I managed to croak out between ragged coughs.
“I heard you yelling and came into the bathroom. Ban you were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you up. I got hit by one of your fists and when I let go you slid under water. I tried to help.” My partner’s distraught tone made me feel like a total loser.
I could not even seem to handle my meeting with that sick fuck Akabane without having freaking flashbacks. Some protector I turned out to be. I couldn’t even manage to save myself much less anyone else. God I was so tired and my wounds hurt like hell. So here I was naked, shivering and on the verge of hysteria with my former partner as an audience. My face flushed with shame and I wished I could sink into the floor.
“I’m ok Gin. I just dozed off for a few minutes. The pain pills can give a person some very fucked up dreams. Just give me a minute and I’ll get out of the tub.” Yeah like that was going to happen any time soon. I doubted my legs would hold me up. Still I didn’t really want an audience when I managed to crawl out of the bath.
Ginji’s finger reached out to lightly trace the bruised and reddened skin around one of the jagged tears in my shoulder. “What happened to you?”
Such a simple question but one with a very complicated answer. There was no way I was willingly going to tell him who inflicted the damage.
“Look I just ended up on the wrong end of a knife fight. I got jumped in an alley on my way back to my apartment. Can we talk about this later? I’m kind of naked here and the water is getting cold.” I closed my eyes hoping he’d get the message and leave me alone for a bit.
“How? I mean you are always so careful. Are there more wounds? How many times were you stabbed Ban-chan? If I’d have been there I could have watched your back. I could have at least…” Ginji was beginning to babble.
I let out an exasperated breath. “Look if you’d been there Akabane just would have…”
I stopped abruptly. Oh shit I hadn’t meant to say that. If I hadn’t been so muddled from the pain pills I wouldn’t have just blurted it out like that. I risked a glance at Ginji. Usually he curled up into a useless ball at the mention of that freak’s name.
“Akabane hurt you?” I watched Ginji’s eyes turn from a warm brown to the purple tinged grey of a stormy sky.
Oh fuck! Now I’d done it. He was pissed and unfortunately I was sitting in a tub full of water. My partner’s face hardened and his eyes narrowed. I heard a faint buzz and the hair on my arms stood up. He had to pick now to go all macho and protective. Ok so it made me feel like I meant something to Ginji. But damn I didn’t want to see such bloodlust on his face. I wanted to spare him that. I was the killer not him. Never him.
“Ginji stop! I don’t want to get fried! Damn it listen to me!” His fists were clenched and I tried to get out of his way. My body had other ideas. As I levered myself out of the tub my arm buckled and I landed with a splash soaking us both.
Ginji blinked in surprise at the sudden shower.
The dousing of tepid water seemed to bring Ginji back to his senses. He looked at me apologetically and held his arms out to help. It was humiliating to say the least but I really did not want to sit in here all day. My head was pounding and I needed to be horizontal.
I took his hands and grunting a little at the effort he practically picked me up out of the tub. I stood very wobbly on the bath mat as Ginji snagged a large blue towel. He wrapped me up and put his arms around me. I wondered what was going on as he held me tightly. Then I heard muffled sniffling and I knew.
“Why did you leave me? I woke up in the hotel room and you were gone. I got scared and tried to get up to look for you but I was too sick. Shido came and made me go with him. He said that you didn’t want me any more. That I was better off without you.” Ginji’s tear filled voice nearly destroyed me.
He was asking the questions I had been dreading ever since I decided to come back. I was going to kill that asshole beast master for telling Ginji so bluntly that I had left for his own good.
“Ginji I need to lie down and we can talk. I promise.” His arms around me tightened for a moment before letting me go. His watery amber eyes regarded me sadly.
I needed a minute to think. What the hell was I going to tell him? That I was in love with him and had left because he did not seem to need me like that? It all sounded so pathetic and had turned out horribly wrong. I guess I said the wrong thing because he sighed and walked out of the bathroom. I should have hugged him back or something. Shit! I am no good in these types of situations.
Carefully I dried off and I grabbed a robe that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. I was too sore to re-bandage my wounds and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. Dreading facing Ginji I limped back into the bedroom. I guess I was afraid he’d left because I was glad to see him sitting on the wide window seat gazing out into the backyard. His shoulders slumped and his hand rested on the glass.
I carefully maneuvered to the bed and sat down with a relieved groan. Ginji did not even turn his head to look at me. I didn’t know what to say so I just sat there too. After a while the silence started to get to me and I was on the verge of going over there when he finally spoke.
“You know there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about returning there.” Ginji said so softly I could barely catch his words.
I knew the place he was talking about. It seemed that the limitless fortress still had a hold on my blond partner. Ginji had changed since his last visit there and it seemed like my little plan to keep him safe had also failed. Removing Ginji from the shadow of the fortress had done nothing but isolate him from all his friends. It had not even lessened the pull he felt to return to his old stomping grounds.
“I sometimes think it would be easier if I became him again. I let them all down when I walked away. So many died because I did not want to be the lightning emperor anymore. I did not want to be like that and I was tired of hurting our rivals just to keep my gang safe. I thought that if I left there would be no reason to fight. Everyone wanted a piece of me so I left when you asked me to.” Ginji finally looked at me and the deep rooted pain in his golden eyes shook me to the core.
“Why didn’t you go back?” I could hardly speak as guilt threatened to choke off my words.
“I didn’t want to as long as you were with me.” Ginji got up and sat down on the bed just out of arms reach. He was looking down at the floor and I could see the tears trickling down his cheeks. I didn’t think I could feel any lower.
“Gin…How come…” I just couldn’t finish what I was trying to say. By leaving I had nearly doomed him to a life inside the place that had almost stolen his gentle soul.
Ginji looked at me again and I felt a horrible pain in my chest. It was worse than when Akabane had stuck his knives in me. His eyes were swimming and almost unnaturally bright.
“How come I didn’t go to the fortress after you left me? I almost did. Shido caught me leaving one night and said I might as well go because you didn’t care about me anymore. That you were gone for good. I…I got mad at him and told Shido you were coming back. I knew you wouldn’t abandon me. I went back into the house and I waited.” Remorse filled me and I nearly cried as well.
The thought of Ginji waiting here for me when I really had no intentions of returning made me realize what an ass I’d been. Not until Akabane threatened to take the blond from me did I feel the need to return. I vowed that Ginji would never find out that Shido was right.
“I had to come back. You were in danger and I don’t trust that beast downstairs to take care of you.” I sagged on the bed and blinked. The drugs I’d taken were really knocking me for a loop.
“Is that the only reason? What exactly did Akabane want?” Ginji scooted closer and I leaned against him. His warmth in the chilly room felt so damned good.
“It doesn’t matter now. I’m here and that bastard is not going to touch you! I’ll kill him if he gets too close.” I snarled and tried not to get angry.
“He wants me too. He wants to hurt me. He wants to use me just like some in the limitless fortress did.” Ginji’s voice sounded far away and it freaked me out a bit.
I grabbed onto him and shook him. It hurt like a bitch but Ginji was on the verge of going mentally bye bye. “I will not let that happen! Do you hear me?”
“Are you just using me too Ban-chan? Why did you come back?” Ginji brushed my hands off of his shoulders.
He was not making this easy for me. But it was no less than I deserved for what I’d done. If he wanted me to crawl then I’d crawl damn it!
“I came back Gin because I was afraid. I was afraid of losing you. The one thing in my life that I give a damn about.” There I said it. Not all that I was meaning to but I could not force the rest out of my mouth.
Ginji looked at me again. Startled and hopeful at the same time. His mood swings were making me dizzy.
“You care? But I thought… I mean when you left. Why?” He reached out his hand and tentatively touched my face.
Here it was confession time and I knew if I did not tell Ginji the truth he’d turn away from me and I’d lose everything again.