Everything I need
by Aimless
Chapter 1
It had been my decision to leave. With his huge golden brown eyes, Ginji watched as we drove far away from the city he grew up in, away from all of our friends. I felt terrible, who wouldn’t? But this town was no longer the haven it had once been. Not with the shadow of the limitless fortress looming over us. After our last almost disastrous foray into that maze I vowed the place would never get its hooks in Ginji ever again. For Ginji to turn into the lightning emperor would irretrievably change him forever. He would revert back to the cold, ruthless and powerful ruler of the Volts.
That place had an invisible hold on my best friend that only time and distance could break. Often Ginji would disappear and I would find him on a nearby rooftop staring at its imposing shadow. Ginji would sit there with his arms wrapped around his knees brooding. Truthfully, it scared me to see the changes being wrought in him. The blond idiot was usually so carefree and cheerful. He was acting like… well…me, dammit! One morose worrywart was enough for this partnership. I had to uproot Ginji and take him elsewhere so we could start fresh on a new life.
I was apprehensive about the whole thing and felt horribly guilty on the day we were to leave. All his friends had gathered at the Honky Tonk to give us quite a sendoff. Later when Ginji got into the car after hugging everyone goodbye it was hard to miss the dejected slump to his shoulders.
I started my beloved Bug and pulled away from the curb. It surprised me when Ginji slid over onto the middle of the seat. I glanced at him, only to find trusting amber colored eyes staring into mine.
A fierce wave of protectiveness washed through me and I actually smiled reassuringly at him. Yes… I did know how to smile and no my face didn’t crack. Shido would have been shocked. It was worth it though, as a radiant smile bloomed on Ginji’s guileless face. He sighed and softly said my name, tucking his arm around mine. Then he laid his head on my shoulder. I felt an unfamiliar tightening in my chest and the desire to keep him near me and safe intensified.
I was not familiar with this feeling. Instead of calling him and idiot and shoving Ginji over to his side of the car, I patted his hand and enjoyed the comforting warmth of him sitting so close. I didn’t know where we were heading or what we would do when we got there. Right now though, everything we owned was packed into the little car and more importantly sitting right here next to me.
At least leaving had been a good idea until fate once more kicked us in the ass.
We had been getting small retrieval jobs here and there. Nothing spectacular but enough to live on. I even managed to get us a tiny apartment. Eating regular was a bonus too. Ginji seemed to be doing well but there were still odd moments where I would catch him staring off into the distance seemingly in a world all his own. I guess his experiences changed him a bit…like they changed us all. Still there were moments when I missed the hyper, annoying pest Ginji used to be.
Some things never change though.
We are fate’s bitch, and a dry spell coupled with a string of bad luck, ended with us living once more in my car. The last job was a total fiasco. We were hired to get back a pouch of precious stones that had been stolen from a gem dealer. We traced the sale of the rocks to a rival and had to stake the buyer out until the thief showed up with the goods. Sounds simple, but it was far from it. In order to get close enough to the drop point we had to hide in a freaking tree for hours in the pouring rain. The buyer was holed up as snug as you please in his car. By the time the perp showed up, the temperature had dropped so much I could see my breath. Freezing and miserable we waited for our chance to nab the gems.
Much to our surprise the thief turned out to be the victim’s brother. Before we could even step in the original owner of the rocks showed up and confronted his sticky fingered relative. Apparently his sister in law had squealed on her husband and the client did not even bother to tell us. He got his stones back, the buyer fled and the brother got the crap kicked out of him and disowned. We got paid jack shit because the client claimed we didn’t do our job.
I wanted to pound the guy into the pavement but a shivering and miserable Ginji pulled me away. I sniped and berated him all the way back to the car. His head sank lower and lower with each insult. He was sniffling by the time we climbed into the Bug and managed to change clothes. I was still so pissed that I did not even see his teary eyes as they regarded me sadly. I lit a much needed cigarette and glanced in the mostly empty pack. Fuck. We had only twenty dollars to our name and I needed cigs. I turned to Ginji and was impaled by his soulful eyes.
Why did it make me feel horribly guilty? Had I treated Ginji any differently than I normally did? His tear filled gaze pinned me to my seat like a bug on a board.
“I…I’m sorry Ban-chan.” His voice wavered and I rolled my eyes. Getting angry was easier than examining the unfamiliar feelings I was experiencing - the ones where I didn’t want to disappoint him. I had the sudden urge to wrap him up in my arms and it scared the hell out of me.
“Look. Just shut up, ok? It wasn’t your fault or my fault. It’s our fucked up luck. I need some cigs. Sit there and try not to bug me. I need to think.” I tried not to feel like a total ass when Ginji retreated to the far side of the car and turned his face to the window. Somehow I failed miserably.
I ignored the occasional muffled sniffle as I drove to a nearby convenience store. Ginji did not look at me as I got out of the car, nor did he beg for a snack. God, I felt like such a heel. I wanted that cheerful, energetic blond back, with his silly voice and clingy personality. This kicked puppy version of my partner was messing with me big time. It was awakening urges in me that should just stay buried.
My relationships did not end well. The last serious one I was in I ended up killing the guy because he begged me to. How fucked up was that? I had the occasional fling but felt nothing after the heat of the moment died out.
The Ginji of the past was goofy, innocently childlike and more importantly, safe from me. This wounded, quiet, and moody blond in the car made me want to do things that one does not do to a friend.
I slammed the car door harder than I meant to and stalked into the store. I picked up my much needed nicotine first and had enough money left over for a couple of bottles of juice and some microwave sandwiches. At least we’d eat tonight. It had started to rain harder as I sprinted for the car. I tore open the door and leapt inside.
I did not see Ginji in the front seat and momentarily panicked. The thought of being alone was worse than putting up with his eccentricities. I depended on him to keep me human. I was about to go back out in the rain to look for the idiot when I heard a muted sneeze from the backseat. Relief flooded through me and I did not know if I wanted to shake Ginji until his teeth rattled or kiss him within an inch of his life. My eyes widened at the thought…kiss Ginji? Where the hell had that come from?
“I got you some juice and a sandwich. Enjoy. It was the last of the money,” I barked at Ginji and tossed the bag in the back seat. I really didn’t intend to be harsh with him but I had to cover up what I might have blurted out otherwise. I drove a couple blocks to a public park and stopped the car near the restrooms.
I heard the snap of the bottle cap and the rustle of a plastic wrapper. I concentrated on my own meager dinner and then cracked the window and lit a cig. I smoked in silence and the lack of conversation was starting to get on my nerves. It was worse then his constant chatter. I tried to get him to talk to me but after several mumbled replies I gave up all together.
I tossed my trash to the floor and scooted over to the passenger seat. I turned around and looked at the blanket covered lump in the backseat. It was no use trying to carry on this uncomfortable silence. I might as well get some shut eye. I grabbed my own blanket from the back and reclined my seat. I was freaking tired, and despite feeling more unnerved then ever, I soon fell asleep to the sound of the rain drumming steadily on the roof of the car.
An unfamiliar noise woke me and blearily I blinked several times to clear away the fog and groaned. I hated sleeping in the car and tried to stretch my sore legs. It was barely light in the car and judging by the grayish cast to the gloom outside it must have been about dawn. I heard the noise again. It was a small whimpering voice.
“No, don’t leave me… I don’t want to be alone." The voice from the back seat grew more agitated. "Please Ban…stay with me. I can’t… I can’t. Its dark… where are you? Ban? Ban?”
Ginji was having a nightmare and I couldn't listen to his frightened and plaintive cries. It would have taken a harder heart than mine to ignore him.
Ginji had kicked his blanket off onto the floor and was clawing at the seat as if to pull himself out of the disturbing dream. With a heavy sigh I climbed over the seat and cursed as I almost busted a nut on the gear shift. It really sucked to have to live out of my car. I’d gotten spoiled by that apartment we’d shared and my nice cozy bed. These dreams with the familiar theme of me leaving the irritating blond were happening more frequently since that mission at the fortress.
The only way to calm Ginji down was to let him latch onto me. All I had to do was get close and his seeking hands would grab and hold me tight. Usually I just put up with the annoyance but considering where my thoughts had been straying lately, this might prove to be a dangerous decision. I really had no choice though because if the dream became too real Ginji might spark and blow me and the car to kingdom come. I could smell the slight tang of ozone as his powers woke. Shit!
This was not good. I had about thirty seconds to calm the idiot down. I grabbed him and slid onto the seat, propping him up in my lap. My arms were around Ginji’s shoulders and his head was tucked under my chin.
“Ginji…shhhh. It’s all right. I’m right here. Just relax. I’m not going anywhere.” I repeated this over and over until he whimpered and fisted his hands in my shirt. My hands wandered in soothing circles on his back and I rubbed my chin in the soft hair on the crown of his head.
I was also acutely aware of his long lean body where it lay against mine. Oh this was not good. Now was not the time to get turned on by his proximity. My body though betrayed me by perking up and taking notice of his ass pressed to my groin. His restless squirming was not helping matters any.
“C’mon Ginji, snap out of it," I murmured somewhat desperately. His warm breath ticked my neck and I shuddered a bit at the sensation. "Have some pity for your old Ban-chan.”
Damn, it had been too long since I’d last been laid. It was a lame excuse and I knew deep down that this went beyond horny. That’s the part that scared me spitless. I nearly forgot to breathe as his eyes fluttered open and his warm honey hued eyes blinked at me sleepily. He raised his head a little and my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. Ginji’s lips were parted slightly and only inches from mine. I wanted so badly to close the distance.
“Ban-chan? Wha? What’s going on?” His confused voice just made me want to hold him tighter. Shido would laugh his ass off at my romantic notions. I was uncomfortably warm in the cramped quarters of the back seat. I also prayed Ginji did not notice the boner I was sporting and desperately trying to ignore.
“You had a nightmare Ginji. I had to wake you up before you fried the car. You’re safe now, so try and go back to sleep ok?” As soon as I got him settled down I began to retreat to the front seat, or maybe I'd decide to take a jog in the cold rain.
“I’m cold, Ban. Why is it so cold in here?”
I felt him shiver and narrowed my eyes. If anything, it was like an oven in here. Then I realized that the heat I felt was pouring off of him. I pressed my cheek against his forehead and it was scorching hot. He then coughed a little and it sounded raspy and wet. Fuck! It was a terrible time for him to get sick. We were so far away from all our friends and our cell phones had been shut off because I’d missed one too many bills.
“It’s ok Ginji, you’re just getting a little head cold. Lie back and I’ll cover you up." I covered him back up and he huddled miserably under the blanket. I grabbed mine from the front seat and added it to the pile along with my coat. "I’ve got some aspirin in the glove box and I’ll get you a cool cloth for your head.” (rearranged)
“Throat hurts," Ginji whined from his makeshift bed. "And my head aches Ban.”
“I know, Gin. But lie here and let me take care of everything.” I patted his damp hair and got out of the car. Grabbing his empty juice bottle and a small hand towel from my bag, I dashed into the bathroom. I filled the bottle with cool water and wet the towel in the sink.
I really regretted buying the cigarettes now since that left me with no money to buy him some medicine. The aspirin would have to do and I just had to hope he did not get any worse. At least the rain had let up, but it was getting colder. The Bug had nearly a full tank of gas and I could run the heater for short stretches of time to at least keep the car at a decent temperature.
Ginji was a shivering lump in the backseat when I got into the car. I made him sit up and take the pain killers with some of the water. He meekly submitted and then slumped back against the seat.
“Try and rest Ginji. I’ll figure out something.” My partner shifted restlessly and took a deep raspy breath.
“Can’t Ban…chest hurts.” Ginji’s hands clutched the blankets around his thin shoulders and I realized that things were going to have to change.
This was not the kind of life he needed to live. I resolved that once he was better I’d drop him off at Shido and Madoka’s place and strike off on my own. That way he’d have a roof over his head and three square meals a day. They’d take care of him and I’d be free to go where I wanted without being weighed down by responsibility. I tried to convince myself it was really the best thing to do but the thought of leaving him made me sick to my stomach. A coughing fit brought my attention back to my ill partner.
“Here Gin, try and drink some more water. You also need to get some sleep.” Ginji drank the rest of the cool liquid and I placed a dampened cloth on his forehead. His face was flushed and I hoped the aspirin would keep his temperature from rising even higher. I tucked all the blankets and coats tightly around him and started to climb back into the front seat.
“Stay, Ban. Don’t leave me.” It was an echo of what he had piteously cried out in the dream. Ginji’s hand grabbed my arm and he tugged slightly.
“Alright, Ginji. I’ll stay." I settled down next to him again in the cramped back seat. Since he was still shivering, I lifted the covers and slid in close to him. The car was getting colder and I’d have to think of something real quick.
“Warm… feels good Ban-chan,” he murmured softly against my neck. Ginji wrapped his arms around my waist and settled his head on my chest.
There it was again - that overwhelming feeling of rightness. I was too tired to fight it. Ginji was drifting off to sleep and that was the best thing for him. Even as uncomfortable as I was wedged into the small back seat I was unwilling to disturb him. Even I had to admit it, was nice to hold someone once in a while. I fell asleep listening to Ginji’s raspy breath in my ear.
It was quite the rude awakening to be suddenly head butted in the chin so hard that I saw stars. That fucking hurt. Then I managed to dodge a wild swing of Ginji’s arm. The blankets were once more on the floorboard and I was freezing my ass off. Not so with my partner. He was even hotter then before and beginning to flail wildly. I nearly panicked as the hair on my arms rose up and the air around us started to crackle.
A delirious Ginji was a very dangerous Ginji.
“Ginji! Wake up! Fuck!" I yelled as I shook him roughly. "Stop hitting me!” I could feel the tingle of electricity running under his skin. I had to do something quick. I took a deep breath and even though I hated hurting him I slapped Ginji hard in the face. His eyes snapped open and they were fever bright and more than a bit unfocused.
“B…Ban-chan?” He sounded so unsure and I don’t think he realized where he was.
“It’s okay, Ginji. I’m going to get you somewhere warm and into a real bed. Just lie back down, okay?”
He coughed again and I winced. He did as I asked though and I climbed into the front seat. I had no choice I had to get Ginji to a hotel where I could treat him properly. I needed to get some medicine for the cough and his fever.
We were broke but I had a few items that could be pawned. Items that Ginji didn’t even know I had. Heirlooms you might say, given to me by a harsh cruel woman. But they were my only legacy. For my partner I’d give them up.
It was easy enough to find an all night pawn shop and I dug a small black box out of my duffle bag. Inside was a heavy white gold ring in the shape of a coiled serpent. It had faceted sapphire eyes that nearly matched my own. I also had a matching pendant of the same snake but it was curled around a gold disc and inscribed with runes that only my family could decipher.
I took out the ring and left the necklace in the box. I could not have the pendant falling into the wrong hands. It contained the secret language of my gypsy heritage.Reluctantly, I placed the ring on the counter and glared at the old man as he took out his jeweler’s loupe.
It was amazing that I managed to get a decent price and I counted the cash as I left the shop. It felt like I had sold a piece of my soul but I’d done what I had to do.
Now to find a halfway reputable hotel. I could hear Ginji fretfully moaning in delirium as I got back in the car. Thankfully, it did not take long to find a place. I registered and asked for a quiet room at the far end of the complex. It was mid-week so the place was pretty deserted as I drove around the back of the hotel.
I grabbed the key and carried Ginji into the room. As hotels went, it wasn’t fancy but the place was clean. It had two double beds, a small table and chairs, a standard bathroom with a tub/shower combination and a mini fridge tucked under the counter.
I laid Ginji on the bed and went back out for our bags. He had curled into a miserable ball on the mattress by the time I came back inside. I had to roll him over so I could get him out of his sweat soaked clothes. I was grateful this place also had a small laundry only several doors down from us.
I tried not to admire Ginji as I stripped my best friend of his clothing. He had lost some weight but he was leanly built with the right amount of muscle. His skin was golden but pale, and glistening with sweat. I was not proud of the fact that I stood staring at his nearly naked body.
"Ban? Where are we?” Ginji tried to sit up and looked at me confused.
Thank goodness he was too sick to realize I'd been gawking. I didn't want to admit that I was drawn to his current state of vulnerability. Deep down, hidden away, was even a part of me that would have taken him right then. But I did not live by base urge alone. I ever had sex Ginji I wanted him to be fully aware of what was happening and I needed him to want me as well.
There. I’d finally acknowledged my wishes, those irritating feelings I’d been hiding from for months. It was inevitable I suppose. I’d never stayed with someone as long as I had with this ditzy blond.
“You’re sick Gin." I threw the covers back on the bed and helped Ginji get under them. I even added the covers from the other bed. "I’m going to run out and buy you some better medicine.”
“Don’t leave me!” Ginji grabbed onto my shirt and hung on tightly.
“I have to go. I’ll be right back I promise. Here, I’ll get you some ice water and turn on the radio.” I hurried to the ice machine and filled the little bucket. When I returned Ginji was huddled under the covers with only the top of his bright blond head visible.
I made Ginji drink more water and made sure he was covered. I turned on the radio and all I could get was static. My partner’s abilities were messing with the receiver. I told him again I was leaving to get what we needed and had to reassure him I would be back. I just hoped he didn’t panic while I was gone.
I think I broke several speed records finding a grocery store. I bought food and the medicine I’d need and replenished our toiletries. Then I bought a small warming plate to heat soup. I even included some plastic bags to put ice in to try and bring down his fever. There was no way I’d risk a hospital. If he let loose in there he could short the place out or get picked up to be dissected for his abilities.
I made it back in record time and was thankful I’d encountered no cops or other obstacles. I unlocked the door and nearly dropped the groceries when I went inside. Ginji was thrashing around on the bed and the room was fairly vibrating with unreleased power. I flung myself on the bed, heedless of my own safety, and could feel electricity crawling across my skin like a million ants.
I held him down until the tremors ceased and Ginji fell back against the bed limp and gasping. I had to get his temperature down and normally a tub full of cool water would do the trick. Mixing water with electricity was suicidal at this point. I was glad I’d had the foresight to get the plastic bags. I ran to the ice machine and filled them full and packed them around Ginji’s body.
I also had to try and get the medicine into him. Luckily, I’d picked up liquid form and now all I had to do was force him to drink it. Ginji was clearly out of it and lost in his fever dreams. It was a catch-22 since it was going to take both my hands to hold his arms down.
I literally had to sit on Ginji to keep him still. There was only one option open to me to force the medicine in his mouth. I had to shake my head. It was a hell of a way to get a first kiss.
I briefly let go of his left arm and had to duck a wild swing as I took a healthy swig of the cough syrup. Gagging a little at the bitter taste I once more restrained his arms and slammed my mouth down over his. Ginji instinctively gasped and I forced the liquid in his mouth. I kept my lips sealed over his so He’d have to swallow. And sue me, but I enjoyed it.
Ginji’s struggles and slight moan shot a bolt of heat right to my crotch. I had to get this over with quick. I repeated my actions for the fever reducer. If I held my mouth over his for far longer than necessary, well I considered it payback for nursing his sorry ass.
Before I could pull my lips away and sit up Ginji’s eyes snapped open and he frowned at me. His body went still under mine and his arms quit trying to knock my block off. I gentled my grip and took advantage of the situation. I couldn’t help myself. Call me evil, but this temptation was too good to pass up.
I nudged his lips open further with my tongue and he made a surprised little squawk. I half expected him to bite me but when he relaxed more against me and shyly moved his tongue to caress mine my brain melted. I did not expect this reaction at all. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was ill or because this was something he wanted too. Right now I didn’t care because I didn’t know when I’d get a second taste.
I really wasn’t worried about getting sick either. We’d been in such close proximity that either I’d shrug it off due to my strong resistance or I’d get sick too. I really didn’t give a damn.
His mouth was so hot. His tongue was tangling with mine and I wished I could take this even further. Even I’m not that much of a bastard, since Ginji might not even remember this at all. He might just think it was some fever driven fantasy.
Reluctantly, I pulled away and our lips parted with a small sucking sound. My body was screaming at me to take him, despite my reservations. I really needed to move, then perhaps take a very cold shower.
I sat back and retreated to the end of the bed.
“Ban?" His confused eyes bore into mine and I looked at the floor. "Why? Why did you kiss me?”
“I dunno, Gin. You were irresistible I suppose.” God, that was a lame answer. I was such a freaking coward.
“You…you.” He paused to cough. “You like me like that Ban-chan?” His innocent question made my groin tighten.
“Yeah, I like you like that, Gin." I got up and really needed to have some private time in the bathroom with my right hand. "Now try and get some sleep. We’ll talk more later.”
“Ban… wait. Don’t go. I’m cold. I don’t like this.” Ginji whined and I rolled my eyes. He was like a two year old when he was sick. I guess I can’t blame him. I don’t ever recall him being this sick. It’s just that over the last month, with no regular meals and sleeping in the car, he got run down and then it was easy for him to become ill. I promised Shido and Kazuki that I’d take care of him. I guess I really fucked that up.
“Gin, come on. You need the ice to get your fever down. You’ll feel better once the medicine starts to work.” His still unfocused eyes were really getting to me. I had to leave for a moment.
“Would you… would you lay down here with me Ban-chan?” There it was… such an innocent plea. Did he realize what kind of a state I was in?
“Ginji…That wouldn’t be wise right now. I’ll be right here in the other bed if you need me.” After I took care of a certain problem that is.
“Ban-chan, I know you want me. I know what that means. I’m sorry I can’t.” His voice drifted lower as he struggled to stay awake. “Just hold me ok? I need to know you’re close. I need you to keep the monsters away.”
My heart dropped into my shoes when Ginji said he couldn’t be with me like that. It had gotten totally weird and awkward. I was horny as hell and half in love with my partner and he was telling me he just wanted to be friends. Why couldn’t he have stayed delirious and allowed me my fantasy a bit longer?
I would give in though… I always did. If he wanted a bed partner to cuddle with in a strictly platonic way well then that’s what I’d do. Despite my raging hard on which I really needed to take care of.
I also understood the 'monsters' he spoke of and one of them was named Akabane. That was one of the reasons Ginji could not be left alone…ever. That psychopath wanted to make Ginji into his pet. It would happen over my dead body.
“Sure, Ginji. Just let me change into my sweats. I’ll be right back.” I brushed my hand against his forehead and he smiled at me. It was still frightfully hot but I hoped the medicine would do some good.
I decided to take a quick shower so I stripped and adjusted the water and stepped in with a sigh as the hot water pounded down an my skin. What occurred next was the fastest wank job in history. It was not so much done for pleasure as releasing a pent up need. I could not help whispering Ginji’s name as I came. The water washed away the evidence of my actions and I felt dirty and unsatisfied. But I couldn’t sulk in here forever and I hastily washed and rinsed. I got out and roughly towel dried my hair until it stood out wildly all over. One of the hazards of having an electric wielding partner. The static electricity that he constantly generated was hell on my hair. After the rest of me was dry I dressed in my sweatpants and a white t-shirt. I opened the bathroom door and hoped he’d be asleep so I could retreat to the other bed.
No such luck. Ginji was staring right at me as I entered the room. He smiled at me slightly befuddled and I sighed and got into bed with him. I removed the icepacks since his fever seemed to be a tad bit less. He immediately snuggled up to me and fell asleep. Ginji squirmed around until he was draped over my chest and one of his thighs was rubbing my crotch. I bit my lip and prayed for sleep.
The night was a long one. Twice more Ginji’s fever spiked and I had to pack ice around him again. He also had one more terrifying convulsion where his eyes rolled back in his head and I swear he was moments from blowing the place sky high. Somehow I managed to calm him down and force more medicine in him. By morning I was a wrung out, miserably horny wreck.
I spent the entire next day spooning soup into Ginji, despite his cranky protests. I listened to his wracking cough and hoped it would not turn into pneumonia. I helped him to and from the bathroom and changed beds once because it stank of the sweat that poured off his body. Finally around mid-night on the second night his fever broke. He had another episode where he arched off the bed and I was seconds away from calling an ambulance, consequences be damned. But his body relaxed and he fell into a deep dreamless sleep. His forehead was sweaty but cool so I joined him on the bed, exhausted beyond words.
I also had a lot of time to think about how he came to be in this situation. When I woke, things were going to change. I knew that giving him up was probably the best thing I could do for him at this point. The pain in my chest made me feel as if I was going to die but I vowed I’d swallow my pride and call Shido in the morning. He would care for Ginji far better than I could. At least the mansion he shared with Madoka had plenty of room and was far from the shadow of the limitless fortress. I was too tired for these regrets to keep me awake and fell asleep with a heavy heart.
Ginji was still sleeping peacefully when I made the call. Shido was infuriatingly smug as usual and I took his derisive laughter in stride as I got reamed for taking such poor care of his friend. I know Ginji is an adult, but he is truly incapable of taking care of himself. He is too sweet and trusting and would fall victim to all sorts of calamities if left alone. I asked Shido to come and get Gin. Before Shido could yell at me for abandoning my partner I hung up the phone.
I know I was breaking my promise to Ginji but I couldn’t stay. As much as I’d like to believe we could just stay friends I knew it would never work. I wanted him too badly and I knew if I forced myself on him, Ginji would give in. Not because he wanted to but because he would not want to disappoint me. If that happened I couldn’t live with myself. So better to make a clean break of it and leave. It would take Shido about two hours to get to the hotel, and that was plenty of time to be far away when he showed up.
I looked down at Ginji’s sleeping form and lightly brushed my lips against his. Then, I stood up and gathered my things, heading towards the door.
“Have a good life, kiddo. I’ll miss you Gin. You’re better off without me though.” Before my resolve could crumble I left and did not have the courage to look back as I got into my car and drove away.